The Story of Princess Kate and the Naughty Wind

Are you sitting comfortably boys and girls?  Then I'll begin

Once upon a time there was a Princess called Kate.  She was a very good and brave princess.  We know that she was good because she did charity work, and because she started girls wearing tights again.  We know she was brave because she put with lots of horrible jealous bitches who said she was too thin, and because she went out on an Autumn day wearing sheer tights and quite a short dress.

One day Princess Kate braved the wintry weather on a charity visit to combat the issue of cyberbullying (that's when people beastly to you on the InterWeb).  Kate, 31, was working for the second day running in her capacity as Patron of Place2Be. She was wearing a short pleated navy skirt and matching jacket whilst visiting the charity in the great city of London.

Now the Wind God is a very naughty god indeed.  He wanted see up Princess Kate's skirt, to see what kind of knickers and tights she was wearing.

So he huffed and he puffed, but couldn't quite get the up-skirt view he wanted.  But he did see quite a lot of Princess Kate's tights and thought that she might be wearing the "shear to the waist" variety

He even tried again when Princess Kate was about to leave in her royal carriage, but to no avail.

So girls, what should be learn from the story of Princess Kate?

(I) If you want to be a real Princess wear sheer to the waist tights

Notice how these tights have no "brief"

Unlike these tights

Of course you need more than sheer to the waist tights to be a Princess

But are they really STW?  Look closely

In fact some girls in sheer to the waist behave in a very unladylike way:

Here the wind god got a free "up-skirt"

And even some otherwise respectable girls show more leg than even Princess Kate did.

(II) Brave the weather gods and go out in sheer tights this Autumn

Even wearing sandals in Autumn

So sheer you can see her tattoo

Be a sport give the wind god a chance to lift your skirt

He'll have to work hard to lift this skirt.

Since you have been such good boys and girls listening to my story, here are more pictures of Princes Kate.

Tie Crisis

Now that has got the attention of all you pantyhose perverts, on to the topic I really want to talk about.  The end of the Tie Rack chain.  Only 18% of men are wearing ties at work.

But I hear guys saying:

• Ties are uncomfortable
• Ties are hard to put on.
• Ties are EXTRA uncomfortable in hot weather.

So what

• Tights are uncomfortable
• Tights are a pain to put on.
• Tights are EXTRA uncomfortable in hot weather.

I like men in ties.  Ties are smart, just like tights.

You want girls in tights, wear a tie.  Ties are not just for work. They look good when going out.  Who knows, wearing a tie might help you get the stocking footed girl of your dreams?

You might even get some Royal Hotness

Sabbath Observance - Part 2 - Thou shalt shop

OMg (g = gods) how could I forget the way every woman wants to break the Sabbath - shopping.

Need new shoes - of course you do!

Something higher perhaps?

 Then shop for them on Sunday.

Oh course you need not just shop for shoes.

As the man form Nazareth didn't say, even if he did exist,  "The Sabbath was made for woman [for shopping obviously], not woman for the Sabbath."

Interestingly the justification for the ten commandments which include not working therefor not shopping on the Sabbath is:

"But that prophet or that dreamer of dreams shall be put to death, because he has spoken in order to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of bondage, to entice you from the way in which the Lord your God commanded you to walk. So you shall put away the evil from your midst." (Deuteronomy 13:5)

But many of us don't want to escape from the house of bondage

Even if Satan would let us.

Sabbath Observance

Sisters it is Christian Sabbath, what can we do to desecrate it?  What can we do to say "Hail Satan.  Fuck Christ"?  Here are my suggestions.  They can be done without tights, but by wearing tights you can lead Christian boys who are pervs astray (what I cool thought pious little Bible Believers wanking themselves silly 'cos they have seen a girl in tights), and give Satan the pleasure of your discomfort at having half your body covered in hot itchy nylon.

(1) Wear Tights

I know that this contradicts what I said earlier about not having to wear tights, but any lycra and nylon combination tights will break the rule: "Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Leviticus 19:19.  When the Bible has this sort of thing, it makes you wonder about the rest.

(2) Go to work

Generally I'm not in favour of work.  But if you must work, do so on the Sabbath for it is written:

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days [no it was a few billion years] the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them [I think you will find they evolved on their own], and rested on the seventh day [Good to know God gets knackered too]. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy". (Exodus 20:8-11)

(3) Read

You won't need to read much to find the Bible is wrong:

"Then he made the molten sea; it was round, ten cubits from brim to brim, and five cubits high. A line of thirty cubits would encircle it completely. " (1 Kings 7:23)

A circle with a diameter of 10 units should have a circumference of about 31.4159265358979(…) units (10×pi) and not 30.  Who said God was a mathematician?

Or how about

" Another parable put he [ Jesus ] forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field.  Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof." (Mark 13:31)

There are smaller seeds in existence, like the orchid. And this man was supposed to be God.

(4) Get pissed

"Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:21 

 (5) Get naked
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel" (1 Tim 2:19)

OK she is not technically naked, but a thin second skin of nylon and a few ropes hardly qualifies as respectable apparel

(6) Take your rightful place over men

"I do not permit a woman ..... to exercise authority over a man" (2 Tim 2:11)

(7) Pleasure yourself
and dedicate your pleasure to Satan

Pleasuring yourself does not stop you from pleasuring another

(8) Give a blowjob

Imagine you are sucking Satan's enormous cock.  Imagine choking on gallons of His hot demonic cum.

For that extra touch get your partner into tights too ("and a man must not wear women's clothing." Deut 22:5).

(9) Perform a human sacrifice to Satan

All bound up and ready to be dispatched?

Then mince her up for the pie?  Waste not, want not.  Yum yum she tastes like pork.

(10) Perform random blasphemous acts

What to say to a girl about her tights.

Short answer: Nothing.

Want to bring the conversation around to her tights - don't bother?

Ah, you want the long answer, hoping I'll show more pictures of girls in their stocking feet.  Oh all right then.  I have to put my ratings up some how, and I know that you don't "read" this page for my sparkling wit.

Lots of girls in their stocking feet - happy now?

Well as I was saying beside explaining to girls the joy (there may be irony here guys, but it is a difficult concept, so don't spend too long on it) of tights....

Her smile may NOT be from the joy of wearing tights - whatever tights fetishists choose to believe.

.... I see it as the role of this blog to explain tights to guys; especially guys who have an unnatural interest in tights.  (But what is natural I hear you ask?  Well I'm not getting into that at 00:35).   Anyway I was interested when I found this YAHOO answers question from Jeff:

"When women wear pantyhose, do they like it when men tell them that their legs look pretty? I'm referring to single women and men in their 20's and 30's. " (BTW Jeff women older than 39 exist)

Is this Jeff about no complement a girl on her legs in tights? ("How nice you toes look in that black reinforced nylon").  No its a random picture from the Internet

 I was even more interested in the answers girls gave to Jeff's question.  Let's start with Megan.

"If and when I wearing them [not much hope for pantyhose pervs in that comment] I would rather not be told my legs look pretty or nice. I know I'm wearing them and that they are noticed. [See guys we are on to your dirty little thoughts] I'm 25. I'd rather hear an over all I'm beautiful or pretty vs just hearing about my legs. It took time to look nice and 2 seconds to put on those pantyhose."

Well tights can take a bit longer than 2 secs Megan (that's part of the pain of tights), but I see your point.

 Megan goes on to say:

"So I'd tell a women how she looks over all.  Oh and we do like jewelry to be commented on and hair if its a different style and outfit or how we look in the outfit."

So here's a little test for you Jeff, what would you say to these girls that doesn't involve their tights?

 Need a bit more time to think......

OK I'll get back to you Jeff.

Another response to Jeff;s question says:

"That sounds like a fetish, which would make me uncomfortable."

Well actually some fetishes are very comfortable - like one's that involve standing on men's faces - and you don't have to wear tights to do that.

Laura says in response to Jeff's question:

"It depends, I have to wear pantyhose every day for work and they're just regular nude or sometimes black hose so would seem a bit weird if I got complimented on them. the other comments are right here - I'm 27 and single so I like a compliment form a nice single guy [i.e. not a fat pantyhose loving perv got it!], but if it was focused on my pantyhose would be a bit odd. Would much prefer to be told I had a nice smile or nice hair. "

A bit weird indeed Laura.

All dressed up for work?

 Laura goes on to say (offering some faint hope to the man who is a pantyhose pervert):

 "I suppose sometimes when I'm out clubbing I might be wearing more patterned or sexy pantyhose - I could take the compliment then if I was wearing a really cool pair or something that I was wanting people to n[ot]ice."

Don't get your hopes up guys.

Pretty / sexy enough to comment?

Sexy enough to comment?

Finally Bob (as a typical man) considers Jeff's question and come downs firmly, on the fence.

"my take I will say it from both sides a male and female point of view. as a female I would take it or feel degraded with all his focus is my legs and nothing more. "

"from a male stand point most horned single males only look at body parts ie legs in hose breast size height hair color height weight . a respectful male would complement the female as a person saying pretty outfit pretty smile. or someone might ask if you would not mind sharing where did you get your outfit from it would look nice on my special someone. "

No Bob, that last lines really lame.  If you'd like to see there are any more answers to Jeff's question go to YAHOO.

 What would you advise Jeff?  Leave me a comment.

Get a tattoo like David, girls

Even 75 year old BBC presenter David Dimbleby has gotten a tattoo.  So now there is no excuse girls, if he can do it, so can you.  It doesn't really hurt either:

He said: ‘It took about 30 minutes - an hour in all - and I thought of Winston Churchill having his done while mine was being done. It wasn’t painful at all, it just zings a bit.’

And of course tights can complement your tattoo, by making it a little less visible.  Paradoxically that will make it get more attention as people have a "has she, hasn't she" moment.

Following David's example

If you ever need to hide your tattoo, there is, of course a pair of tights.

And if you want to show your tattoooff as it gets a bit colder, well its tights again.

Finally Mr D's