Thursday, 7 April 2016

These are not tights

As the Australian Daily Mail announces:
"Make up free Bambi [Yes, that is her name JoT] Northwood-Blyth [who? JoT]pairs Lycra tights with Prada platform brogues..."
and shows this picture :

I have to say that those are mot tights. (Even with the word Lycra in front).  They have no feet.  They are leggings.

These are tights:

And if you live in the UK so are these.  (For our US sisters they are pantyhose)


Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Hose up and deny the fashion gods

According  to Christina Kelly, the fashion gods have spoken: Tights are out! Say goodbye to crazy-patterned leggings and lacy tights.

All JoyOfTights can say is NO! NO! NO!
  • No to boring legs - why just have skin colour when you can have a colour and crazy patterns
  • No to losing those glances we get when guys see how sexy our legs are in pantyhose
  • No to getting cold
OUT! (Apparently)
OUT! (Apparently)
OUT! (Apparently)
Well Ms Kelly has a solution to the last point.  Well three actually.

(1) Go for length with floor length coats.  All I can say is that if you've got legs fault them!
(2) Wear high boots.  Well nothing against boots, I own a few pairs.  But it's a both/and, an either/or.  Wear tights for warmth and elegance and then boots for extra warmth and extra elegance.
(3) Consider chunky socks.  Again its a both/and not an either/or.  Long socks can leave the tops of your legs awfully exposed.  But with tights - winning toasty warm.
Socks (and tights) with attitude.
So go on defy the fashion gods.  They are only a metaphor after all.  Its not as though they'll strike you down and leave a pair of smoking heals.

Ohhh empty heels, but they are not smoking.  But perhaps the fashion gods did disintegrate her for wearing tights?  Could the girl on the right be next!
Better take your shoes off so they don't get damaged when you get struck by the lightening bolt.

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Hermione's Magic Shoes

Yesterday the Daily Mail had a go at Emma Watson over her shoe collection.  Apparently:
  • Emma has 24 pairs of designer shoes.
  • They are worth £14000.
  • But most were loaned to her by stylists, not purchased by her.
  • That she once fibbed and said she had only 8 pairs.
In Emma's defence JoyOfTights would say:
  •  24 pairs for shoes?  Not many.  Lots of us have more.
  • £14000? If you have that kind of money what is better to spend it on than shoes?  Think of the industry she is supporting.
  • On loan from stylists?  Good on her for getting them free.  We all like a bargain.
  • Fibbing?  Maybe she only owns 8.  16 are on loan.  Perhaps she only had 8 when she made that statement.  Anyway we all fib, all the time.
Of course JoyOfTights complaint is that Emma does not spend enough for her life hosed up.  Especially when wearing open shoes.

Of course there are times when Emma can be found in tights.

But we'd like to see Ms Watson Hosed Up all the time!  Here are some reasons why Emma should Hose Up more often.
  • So many more fashion options when you can style and colour your legs
  • Sometimes less is more.  Not totally revealing your legs can make them even more sexy.
  • Sheer nylon makes legs sexy anyway
  • They may even provide a bit of warmth on the Red Carpet.
And here are some ladies to show Emma that tights and open shoes go toegther.

Thursday, 24 March 2016

Tights Theft

You know its a slow tights news day when JoyOfTights sites the Hull Daily Mail.

Well here it is
"Becky Jackson, 28, was discharged conditionally for 12 months for stealing two pairs of tights and lingerie, worth £26, from Asda. She must pay a £15 surcharge."

While JoyOfTights appaulds Ms Johnson's desire for tights. Wee must
  • Don't steal them.  If everyone stole their tights the hoisery companies would go out of business and then none of us could get hosed up.
  • Why only two pairs?  You need at least 7 pairs to be hosed up all week.  Maybe 8 with a spare.
JoyOfTights wonders what tights Ms J nicked

Probably Opaque.
 Possibly sheer black
Probably not tan

Perhaps she needed them for work.
And were there are stockings in the lingerie?
But I would bet that in the UK, unlike in some countries Ms J did not have her collar felt by coppers in tights.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Antia Harris: Angels of Tights?

According to teh Daily Mail secret of looking good is her Guardian Angels.  Not sure about this.
Not sure I'd trust this lot with my looks.
Could her leg looks be improved by the fact she is wearing tights
Look at the toes for tights seams.
Nothing to be ashamed of, many of us ladies of a certain age rely on tights
And Ms Harris did pioneer tights as Nurse Clark in "Carry On Doctor"
And in later pictures
And if Flickr can be believed in sellin Paxo Stuffing with free tights
Cue, crude tights and suffering images
Of course many of us need more than Angels and/or tights

Monday, 4 January 2016

Time to get your decorations off

Still got your Christmas decorations up?
I know you love your tree
And your Santa.  I know many of my readers will be jealous of Santa.  They too want to be held by a girl who hoses up in black pantyhose
I hate to tell you this,but The Twelfth Night of Christmas is the time decorations should come down according to tradition, which officially falls on Tuesday, January 5.  And that's tomorrow folks.

Only one more day cuddling around the tree
I think you are supposed to undress the tree not yourself
If you don't take the decorations down, you get bad luck.

What what could this bad luck be?
Sore feet from your heels, you can take them off
Ladders in your tights, got another pair
Your best friend is snoggingg your boyfriend.  What you didn't like either of them anyway.  But you know what happens afrer the snog.  His trousers come down, then his pants, then her shorts, then her tights and knickers in one go, then Ohhhhh my God, then swim little sperm swim, then happy families.
You get cancer from smoking
And liver disease from your drinking
The docs looked and there is nothing to be done
.... but she can offer you a lethal injection with a cut price cremation thrown in
The doctor relaxes after dispatching you to a much better (well very much hotter at least) place
And you have to be made to look your best - its good to be hosed up right at the end -
- ready for your hot date with Mr Incinerator
All this bad luck 'cos you never took your decorations down!
Don't just sit there girls get those decorations down