Monday, 31 December 2012

Things to do in Tights on New Year's Eve

According to today's Daily Telegraph newspaper

"Four in 10 adults will refuse to celebrate the end of 2012 and the start of 2013 -10 per cent more than last year. Instead, they will shun the parties and jump into bed at their normal time, with many blaming finances for their cheap night in.  Seven in 10 of these, 68 per cent, will have a drink between the sheets with the most popular being brandy, whisky and champagne."
What are you drinking in bed
Well what can you do New Year's Eve, other than go to bed, and why should you do it in tights?

Reasons for wearing tights on New Year's Eve
  • To add a bit of warmth to your legs
  • To make your legs look better - no pasty white winter legs on display
  • To complete your outfit
  • To stop your shoes from rubbing against your feet.
So things to do

1. Have friends round to party

Put tights on to make your legs look their best especially if you have guys around.

2. Go out clubbing
Who dropped the fag packet?
Where you are allowed to smoke?
Again tights will make your legs more attractive - maybe help you pick someone up - more on that later.  More boringly tights provide extra warmth on leaving the club.  I recommend sandals to prevent your nylon feet getting to sweaty or just slip your shoes off.  After the cost of getting in, the cost of a new pair of tights, or even a new pair of shoes is nothing.

3. Have mates round to watch DVD - a girlie night in
Not interested in the DVD - enjoying each others nyloned legs
Playing it cool after the first sensual brush of nylon against nylon  
Tights not needed.  On the other hand you don't want your girlfriends to think you are a slob - tights must be better than ms-matched socks!  If the movie is no good you could always enjoy each others legs.
Having a good time girls?
4. Have your best mate round
Sure you don't have to dress up or wear tights for a night in and a gossip.  But you want to show her that you are a sexier bitch than she is - wouldn't want her bad mouthing you to the other girls.

5. Go to you mum's / sister's / misc. family
Not the ideal.  But mum will expect you to make an effort, so time to squeeze into skirt and tights.

6. Stop at home - as Nicky no mates
Finding web porn to get off on
Dancing alone to you iPod is just sad
Dressing up  and wearing tights and a nice pair of shoes or boots are even more important if are alone on New Year's Eve.  Yes you will be ready for that last minute party invite.  But even if it doesn't come you can still take pride in yourself.  Who knows that sensual nylon may put you in the mood of all sorts of fun for one? 

So far I have talked about where to spend New Year's Eve and who to spend it with.  But what could you do......?

1. Dance the night away

Posh party - guys in ties - yummy
What a great way to show your body off!  And a great way to get fit too.  You might pick up the habit of regular clubbing.  Wear tights to show your legs to best effect.  Sheer (low denier) tights to prevent your legs from over-heating.

If your feet are hurting after all that jiving - kick your lovely heels off and dance in your stocking (or should I say tights?) feet.  The tights on your feet will give less friction that bare feet and allow you to do smoother dance moves.  The tights will also keep your feet clean.  Of course its easier to kick your shoes off at home than in a club.  What if someone steals your heels?  If you dance stocking foot in a group you could keep all your heels together.  Or you could find a tame stocking foot loving pervert to keep an eye on your shoes, he'll do it for the joy watching your stocking feet.  (Mind he doesn't get too excited and nip off to the gents for a quick wank leaving your shoes unguarded or isn't really a shoe perv just waiting to steal your heels to wear at home).
Safety in stocking feet numbers

Show those toes
One final thing about the choice of tights for stocking foot dancing, if you are going for sheer tights pick those with reinforced toes as they will last longer without going into ugly holes with your toes peeping out.

Going stocking foot even if no one else is!
2. Drink
Toasting the new year with a bottle at home
Of course you don't have to wear a pair of tights to have a drink.  But they may help if you are getting rat arsed.  (See later)
Aren't you girls a little young? Oh well better to learn about alcohol early to make sure you can drink irresponsibly in later life.
Dancing and drinking sensibly, pretty ordinary activities really.  How about something new and outrageous for new year's eve?  Here are some suggestions.

1. Table dance
This will certainly get people's attention and may even get the attention of a man to shag your brains out in the new year.  Probably safer done in stocking feet.
Last girl on the table gets a shag
My money is on the girl in the middle, well she's in the middle and doesn't have heels to twist her ankle in.  The others will probably be on the floor soon with twisted and broken things - at least the alcohol will numb the pain.  On the other hand those semi-pointy heeled peep toe sandals might skewer her black nyloned feet - if only the girl on the right can move round.

2. Kiss a girl
Go on get those tongues together!
 Guys find this a turn on, so it might help you get that new year shag.  Or it might be the first step to your career as a muff diver.

Snogging a girl to get a guy?  Wear tights so they know you are not butch and they might have a chance.  Also keep the tights on if you see yourself as more of a lipstick lesbian.

3. Get picked up by a stranger
Not necessarily literally - is his head rubbing all the right places?
4. Get shagged by a stranger

The tights will bring out the shape of your legs while hiding any imperfections.  You can flash some tights top to get him going.  He'll have to work a bit harder to get into your knickers but some men like the challenge.

7. Bond with a stranger
(The tights just stop the cuffs rubbing).

After all those Shades of Grey this may appeal.  I would recommend another girl for your first bondage session.  A strange guy who is into bondage will have you cuffed one minute, strangled the next with your tights and then will be cooking your meat flap for breakfast.

6. Pass out at home
Fallen angel
Tights not really needed -just lots of alcohol.  But if you pee yourself they might mop up some of your golden shower and protect the carpet.

7. Pass out in the street
Not a good place for a snooze
Not recommended.  But if you must get slaughtered then pass out in the street wear some tights:
  • They will keep you warm.
  • ...stop passers by from seeing too much
  • ....make you look less like a slut who doesn't give a shit
  • .....discourage any passing guy who wants to blow his wad into your unconscious body.  He probably can't be arsed to struggle to get your tights off to access your cock pocket.
  • ... make you look respectable when they take you to the morgue. 

Compare and Contrast

Guys, look at the image - go on click on it - which girl is sexier?

  • The one on the left (glasses)
  • The one on the right (no glasses)
Answer in my latest poll (right >) and/or leave me a comment saying why

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Children please DO NOT read this

Look closely at the photo below.

Information revealed to Joy of Tights proves that "Father" Christmas is not who (they) first appear

  • There is more than one Santa.  (How else would they get all those presents delivered in one night?)
  • They are women.  (Men would not be organised enough for the job). 
  • They wear tan tights.  (Needed for an extra layer of warmth.  Also need to pad silently across your floor when they take their boots off.  Nylon muffles the foot steps see?)
  • They are transitionalists (Tan / Nude tights with reinforced toe).  Although their tradition only goes back as far as the 1930s when they were taken over by Coca-Cola.
  • They drink. (Wouldn't you after visiting all those kids?)
Doubts have even been expressed about some "Father" Christmas' found at Christmas parties or in shops- but we know they aren't the real thing.
  So girls, who has been putting stuff under your tree? 
Did you steal those tights from Santa?

Saturday, 29 December 2012

For a better world

Here are some questions.

Q: Who starts all the wars?
A: Men

Q: Who does all the mass shootings?
A: Men

Q: Who is responsible for all the domestic abuse?
A: Men (Any women "convicted" of abuse were driven to it)

Q: Who founded all the world's religions
A: Men (Paganism and Wicca excepted)

Q: Who is responsible for all the abuse of little children
A: Men

Solution: Men should be under women's feet

I mean this both literally so they learn their place.  (Tights should be warn for the daily task below because the man must almost suffocate on sweat absorbed by your tights after a hard day at the office.  Also you don't want to touch male skin directly).
And metaphorically in that women should go out to work and rule the world
Running the Business
Men should be left to:
  • Do DIY
  • Do cooking, cleaning and other domestic tasks
Don't do it - its men's work!
 Childcare would be carried out in creches by women (Men cannot be trusted with children)
He must now learn he belongs under that foot
Sperm would be collected from the least unsuitable males and used to impregnate those who wished to become mothers.  Abortion would be on demand - not being controlled by men.  Doubtless many women would abort their male foetuses to stop the evil before it starts
Its a girl or she wouldn't be this far gone
Male resistance
All women would be armed to dispatch men who got above themselves or just dropped crumbs on the carpet.
Police and security services would be all female
Some men might - due to having a nylon fetish - enjoy there regular subjection under female feet in tights.  For them in would be the sock treatment
For the shoe treatment:
Sometimes it will be necessary to break men's ribs to make them more compliant
Depriving a man of oxygen would be a common practise to damage his brain and make him more suitable for this role.
A man who has given faithful service would be rewarded by a trip to the playboy club.  Where he will meet a sexy erotic bunny girl - dressed to please him.
She will blow his cock and balls off with her assault rifle and then empty the magazine into him just for the hell of it.  Finally, the bunnys - giggling with pleasure - will throw the man into the incinerator where he can perform his last useful service of generating heat to generate power for women's homes.

Friday, 28 December 2012

Joy of shopping

Here in the UK Boxing Day (day after Christmas) has been a day for us plebs to receive money.  It was a custom for tradesmen to collect "Christmas boxes" of money or presents on the first weekday after Christmas as thanks for good service throughout the year.  This is mentioned in Samuel Pepys' diary entry for 19 December 1663. This custom is linked to an older English tradition: Since they would have to wait on their masters on Christmas Day, the servants of the wealthy were allowed the next day to visit their families. The employers would give each servant a box to take home containing gifts and bonuses, and sometimes leftover food
Which little gift for that nice man who cleans my windows? (Or would be prefer to lick my toes as reward?)
But this year it is more blessed to give (or at least spend) than receive on Boxing Day. Records tumbled in the Boxing Day sales as frenetic shoppers sent tills into meltdown.  Millions of bargain-hunters made a beeline for the high street, with some queueing since midnight to ensure they bagged the best deals.  Retailers up and down the country slashed prices and opened as early as 6am in a bid to entice them to part with their cash.  In London's West End shopping mecca, by 11am footfall was up 31.3 per cent on Boxing Day last year with sales fuelled by rich tourists. The UK average footfall was up by 21.6 per cent.

Shopping for a longer skirt?
All this got be thinking about the Joy of Shopping and why at this time of year shopping is not a joy.  By the way the sublimest joy of shopping is shoe shopping.  Why?  The sheer range of styles, the pure artwork and originality that goes into a pair of shoes.  Take this shiny platform variant on the good old peep toe:
Lucky girl!  And lets see those close up
Look a the smooth classic lines, the platform for added height and the cheeky peeky toe
Yes guys, I know there are loads of different styles of tights
And the growth of suspender tights has brought in a whole new ranges of styles
Not quite your classic suspender tights but you can see the suspender tights influence with the bow at the top
Nevertheless - shoes are a 3D art form in a way tights will never be.  Even the most stylish tights are a flat 2D design wrapped round your legs.

But back to my there the Joy of Shopping and why you can't do it in the sales

(1) You need a BF if you can find one

They can be a pain - not understanding why you have a go into every shoe shop.  But they are an invaluable source of cash.  I find they are even less likely to come out to the shops in the scrum of the sales.

Nice boy
Well trained.  Pays when he is told and carries the bag.  Oh the power of seamed tights or stockings

(2) Shopping is about looking

Time to browse.  Look at the pgoodies.  Touch and feel.  Would you rush a trip to an art gallery?  Enjoy before you buy. Enjoy when you can't buy.  How can browse when hoards are ripping shoes from the shelves?
(3) Shopping is about being looked at not just looking
Dress to go shopping.  Let everyone else see how good you look.  Life is a catwalk.  But at this time of year, no one will be looking at you as they rush for that last reduced Gucci handbag
(3) Shopping is about try before you buy or even try before you don't buy
The sensual pleasure of trying a pair of new shoes.  Of seeing how good you look in them in the mirror.  Of discussing them with a girl friend.  Thinking you see the admiring looks of other shoppers.  (Of course the the guy looking at you may just be a perv enjoying the fact you are wearing tights but no shoes).  Deciding do whether you buy this pair, or that pair, or both.  Now you can't try a pair of tights on before you buy and there is no chance to try shoes on in the sales. (Another bitch will pull them off your feet threatening to blind you with her stiletto if you don't surrender).
(4) Shopping is about service
Probably because I am such a sick fuck I love having another girl kneeling at my feet helping me with my new shoes.  Smell my sweaty tights bitch!  I might just buy these shoes and get you commission if you let me put my foot right in your face!
I think this lady is a mature dom
Bitch do the straps up for me
So keep calm.  Don't rush to the shops and buy in the sales.  In fact you will probably spend more money getting things before they go.  You may get stuff you don't want and miss the joy of shopping.