Sunday, 23 August 2015

Cost of post-mortem incineration increases - solution buy more shoes

Last week the BBC revealed that the average cost of a cremation at a public crematorium has risen by a third since 2010.  An adult cremation costs an average of £640.

In case you have been worrying about the cost of your funeral - which hopefully you haven't - then I have a solutoin.  Buy more shoes.
You'll never be able to afford the cost of a good send off, so spend your money on what you'll enjoy - shoes.
Whatever style turns you on, buy it now.
There are so many styles to buy.
 Yes, I know we often take them off, but the joy of shoes is as much owning them as wearing them.
They'll always be someone to pay for your incineration - they don't want you lying about rotting like some extra from a zombie movie.
No, I'm only trying to upset you here is a real cremation.
Unfortunately you can't take your shoes with you, so they be none of this
In the UK, to prevent pollution, you can't be cremated in your shoes, in fact can't even be cremated in your tights.
Still your shoes could be your immortality.  After the furnace has finished with you, you'll be reduced to a few pounds of dust, which will then be blown away.  But your shoes can live on.
You may have been dissolved to nothing but your shoes will live on,on other women's feet.

Friday, 21 August 2015

Black Day

As my UK readers will already fans, family and fellow stars have turned out to pay their respects to singer and TV presenter Cilla Black at her funeral in Liverpool yesterday.  Hundreds of people applauded and threw flowers as her funeral cortege made its way to St Mary's RC Church.

For those of you who Cilla Black is, you can consult the source of all wisdom wikipedia

However, as the stuff of this blog is tights, (well other random crap as well), I would like to pay tribute to "our cilla" as a tights icon, well probably an icon in tights.
In classic black tights - worra lorra leg
All sparkly at London Plaladium Royal Variety Performance
Younger Cilla back in black
Oldie, but goodie, them Boots were Made For Walking (No, sorry that was Nancy Senartra).  Black tights again
Cilla married in white tights
Cilla, or is it Sheridan Smith as Cilla in tan tights and sandals

So let's honour Cilla, by wearing tights today, or even for a few days, even if you don't normally, you might like it (although I doubt it)
You could go for classic black sheer tights
Or something a bit more exciting - fishnet if not sparkley
Or black again - nice shoes
Or how about letting your boots do the walking - in black tights of course
You could go retro with white tights and err sandals
You could even try tan tights

Monday, 17 August 2015

Girl's Tights Night Out

You may have seen the Diet Coke ad where a group of girls go out, then (oh-no) one gets a hole in her tights, so they all rip their tights
Well this got me thinking ... not just about how trendy ripped tights are .... (that's a fashion I can take or leave, but at least you can get more wear out of your tights by claiming your ladders and holes are a fashion statement)......
 ... but about going out with your girlfriends in tights - a sort of nyloned solidarity.
Preparing to got out in tights
Out in tights.  But is that some bare legs I see or just nude tights?  It's a brave woman at the end with both tights and sandals
What is the point in this you may ask?  (Or possibly not if you are just looking at the pictures).  Well it could give you a sense of solidarity - the tights girls against the bare leg brigade.
Tights girls together
Tights girls can do anything - even dance embaressingly
We are the tights girls, fuck the rest of you
Of course your solidarity might only be in terms of how uncomfortable your tights are.  How hot and itchy they are.  How they are making your feet stink and giving you horrible fingal infections in your intimate areas.
If there is one thing worse than itchy nylons its a pervert who wants to scatch them for you
Tights group hug, I feel the discomfort of your nylons sister
Another thing, all wearing tights will give you something to talk about - like the latest colour, style and denier of your tights - or what a waste of money tights are - or how you can never get tights to fit - or about how uncomfortable your tights are - or about whose fucking stupid idea it was to all wear tights on a night out.
Talking tights in the limo
Finally, perhaps all wearing tights will increase the sexual power of your group - especially with a certain sort of man.
Feel the power....
Sexy costums and tights - sexual super powers
So some poor nylon loving perv might be so overcome by the sheer (pun intended) sexiness of your group that you might pull.
Spoilt for choice
You might even get to bring some guys home - that's the way I like it - two each
Take care girls all that nyloned leg might be too much for his heart - he is getting on
Hunt as a nyloned pack - you'll always get your prey
But there is a danger that all this nylon may be too much for some men.  The kind of tights obsessed guy who reads this blog is likely to sponanteously combust at the sight of a critical mass of nyloned legs. The likihood of ignition is increased by going about in your stocking feet, as a tights fetish goes hand in foot with a foot fetish.  [By the way guys do you see the way I'm trying to destroy you by posting so many nyloned feet - evil laugh].
A tights loving perv coming into this kitchen would combust leaving behind a little pile of ash that could be swept up, poured down the toilet and flushed away.
Hide your eyes - he could ignite at any moment with all that nylon!
Enough stocking feet to make a perv spontaneously combust in a matter of seconds
Of course you may prefer a girl's tights night in rather than a girl's tights night out. Everyone slipping their shoes off can make the evening more relaxed and comfortable.
That's it - boots off when you arrive
But what if not everyone follows the tights dress code?
Could be a fight between the girls in tights and the girls in little white socks.  My moeny's on the tights girls
Let's all be bitchy to the girl who has come in socks
So, anyone for a girls tights night out or in?


OK it was a shit idea.

Just a quiet night in with my laptop then...

Saturday, 1 August 2015

You cried for Cecil the Lion but will you shed a tear for Chris the Croc

Here's a rather different from that of Cecil the Lion killed by an American dentist.

Sabitri Samal, 37, was washing dishes in a creek near her home in the Indian state of Orissa's Kendrapara district on Thursday when a giant crocodile lunged at her.  "The crocodile caught hold of her right leg but she staved off the ferocious attack," according to senior forest official PK Pattnaik.  "She claimed that she hit the reptile on its forehead and eyes with an aluminium bowl and a wooden spoon and it released her after a struggle," he added.

Well if that had been me, I'd have had not chance.  I'd have gone all girly screamed and then
I'd be gone.  That's why many endangered animals are better left that way.  The hated US Dentist might even saved some hapless soul from from becoing a lion's main (course).

The best I am cope if attacked by a croc is tha wy tights will get caught in his teeth and make flossing difficult.