Saturday, 15 February 2014

Cara forgets where to wear her tights

On made her way home last Thursday, model Cara Delevingne appeared to be wearing your everyday pair of black tights on her head.   The sighting came just after she was seen singing for a US ambassador alongside Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.
For those of you who are wonder "Who the hell is Cara Delevingne"  (Like you've been living on the moon). I'll sprinkle a few CaraFacts through this post.

Well here is a little reminder for Cara - tights go on your legs
CaraFact: Cara was born in London, England, the daughter of Pandora (née Stevens) and Charles Hamar Delevingne, a property developer.  You would think such a well brought up girl would know where to wear her tights.

Oh yes, and you can wear tights with a few more clothes
And even outside

CaraFact: She attended Bedales School in Hampshire, United Kingdom.  Bedales continues to be one of the most expensive public schools in the UK. For the school year 2012/2013, boarders' fees are £10,310 per term.  All that money and they still didn't teach her where to wear her tights.  We even learnt that at my comprehensive

Now Cara looks good in almost everything
Even socks and heels.....
CaraFact: On the eve of her runway debut, Cara Delevingne opted for a McDonald's lunch and pizza dinner.  As you can see above it didn't affect her looks.  But are Mcey Ds good memory food to help you to remember where to wear your tights

 CaraFact: She needs a lot of librication (She revealed that the underwear items she modelled at the Victoria's Secret show were difficult to wear, because they were made from latex. 'I’m wearing a lot of latex, so it’s going to be interesting. I’m going to be lubed up to the max. I’m going to be basically sliding around in them.)
...or even ripped stockings
 But probably not with tights on her head.

CaraFact: She is the younger sister of model Poppy Delevingne.  You would have thought Poppy would have shown Cara where to wear her tights.

In fact Joy of Tights has found evidence that Cara does know where to wear tights
Tights less ordinary
Nice shoe collection
CaraFact: In 2013 Cara was shot by artist and photographer Karl Lagerfeld, for the Winter 2013 edition Melissa Magazine.(The in-house publication of Brazilian jelly-shoe giant Melissa)
The kind you guys like yo know
    Height: 5' 9.5" / 176.53cm
    Bust: 31" A
    Waist: 24" / 60.96 cm
    Hips: 34" / 86.36 cm
    Shoes: UK 6 / EUR 39
    Dress Size(uk): UK 6 / EUR 34
    Hair: Blonde Light
    Length: Long
    Eyes: Green

Don't you ever consider a girl's personality?  Silly question

 But Cara has been seen wearing tights when not doing a photo-shoot
Tights more ordinary
In fact, overall, Cara has been a good abassador of the cause of tights

Except for one thing
Not trying tights with open toe shoes

Give it a try Cara; its not so bad.
Although some might think differently
 Perhaps Cara was having a senile moment

We hope not
Although even those of us of a more mature age manage get our tights on our legs
Perhaps Cara was experimenting with Pantyhose Encasement
That strange fetish which, by male, logic says
  • If a woman looks good in a pair of tights
  • then she will look even better in 5 pairs
  • QED
  • If a woman looks good with a pair of tights on her legs
  • then she looks even better with a pair over her head too
  • Simples (and these guys are)
Surely one pair of tights is enough for anyone
Clearly not
Its a form of depersonalisation
But if you are depersonalised it will be easier to accidentially on purpose to beat the guy to death for during a bondage session.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

What to get a girl for Valentine's day

Guys need a way into your girl's heart on Valentine's Day?
Yes guys, I know you are looking for a way into her knickers - but I'm telling you how to get into her heart.

You may think I have left this advice a bit late, but I know that most guys don't think about Valentine's day until now.  In fact many of you will be trying to get gifts on your way to work or on your way home from work tomorrow.

First Suggestion: Flowers
They always go down well. Yes I know
  • .... they are a rip off
  • ... they don't last
but so what?
And no, flowers from the petrol station won't do
Girls, if you see guys buying flowers at the service station while you are filling your car - you know where to stick the nozzle
Second Suggestion: Jewellery
Good but does require thought - which you guys are not good at.
Not an anklet because you like your women to have the slutty look
Better - but tacky
I like these - so dangly - but jewellery it is very personal so you actually have to know what your girl likes.
Third Suggestion: Tech
What's the most important thing in your girl's life?
  • You? Nowhere close
  • Shoes? Close second
  • Her 'phone? Yes.  How about buying her a matching tablet or other tech? 
Fourth Suggestion: A car
Feeling like splashing the cash, buy the love of your life a little run about.
Now the No Nos

First No No: Tights
We might like tights.  We might know you like us in tights.  But buying us tights - even ones with sweet hearts on - is weird.

Second No No: Drink
We like alcohol. But if you just buy us booze - we will just think you are trying to get us pissed.
Is that all he got you; that lousy bottle?
Third No No: A Tattoo
Unless you are sure she really wants one
Fourth No No: An exotic pet
Not everyone likes flesh eating giant worms
So what are you buying him on-line for Valentine's day?
Socks - excellent

Girls need a valentine?

She's got the card -top right - but will the man take her out?
Need a romantic Valentine's day evening? Or at least a Valentine's night shag? I recommend wearing black tights to get your man.
Not that all men have a tights fetish - thank gods - but many do seem to have their temperature raised by a flash of black nylon.  Who knows why?

  • Perhaps black is thought to be sexy.  It is also associated with death - discuss with reference to Freud's life and death instincts.
  • Maybe black tights remind guys of stockings with all their sexy associations.
Famous stockings
Almost stockings - hold ups
Stocking and tights - trying too hard? Doesn't seem to be making her happy.  Maybe not white knickers with all that black,
  • Could be that black tights make your legs look longer - good for leg men
Nice heart for Valentine's day
  • Could be some of them like the feel of sheer nylon
Skirt off, just hope he doesn't want you to keep the boots and tights on
Whatever the explanation black tights do it for at least some men, here is the photographic evidence
His trousers and pants appear to be falling down....
... and her skirt has ridden up
  • For extra effect try fishnets
  • Be aware that taking your shoes off as well as wearing tights may attract men with somewhat limited interests
At least one man appears interested in her not just her feet.
  • May work for girls too