Carol Voderman mis-calculates centre of gravity in killer heels

Carol Voderman was running down stairs with her hands in her pockets and 4 inch killer heels on her feet when she went "arse over tits" and broke her nose.  This apparently happened on Monday when she was leaving the ITV studios of "Loose Women".

Ms Voderman showing her love of high heels at a charity night hosted with Brain Conley

Whilst Joy of Tights believes high heels are a great gift to womankind sometimes you just shouldn't run in them.

Heading for a fall like Ms Voderman?

Sometimes you just have to slip your heels off and go in your stocking feet for comfort and safety

Better take them off before going for a run

You don't want to run in the dark with those heels on!

Some people would say - just wear flats.  Joy of Tights says BORING!  But for my regulars (John and Cal) who like flats here you go:

Honestly, can you think of more boring shoes?

Red, with nice tights, but still boring.

And finally...
For those guys who think Ms Voderman makes maths sexy.  (No can't see it myself, maths can never be sexy/fun/cool/... etc).

Economy not heeled

I read in a Sunday paper that

"demand for super-high heels soars in a strong economy, but switches to sensible shoes in tough times"

You won't see these for a while in the UK

Going back to more sensible heels?

In Britain - and indeed most of Europe - we are going to be in flats for a long time

High heels or healthy feet? or The trials of SJP

Sarah Jessica Parker claims that high heels have ruined her feet.  Apparently years of wearing stilettos have left her feet deformed and she no longer wears high heels.  Miss Parker claims that she worked 18 hour days and never took her heels off.

This, Joy of Tights thinks, may be at the root of Miss Parker's problem.  Yes heels are wonderful.  But your feet need lots of breaks from them.  I might be as bold as to suggest that if you are doing 18 hour days, perhaps 9 of those hours need to be in your bare or stocking feet.

Walk in heels, but don't run in anything but your stocking feet.

Ready to run?

Apparently Miss Parker went to a foot doctor who said "Your foot does things it shouldn't be able to do.  That bone there .... You've created that bone.  It does not belong there."  If only Miss Parker had slipped her feet out of her shoes.

Ahhh so nice to get your foot out of heels

Podiatrists (aka foot doctors) reckon there are two health problems with heels:

• They cause "hammer toe" because the front of your foot is permanently bent
• The shorten the calf making in harder to walk up hills (Who wants to walk up a hill anyway?).

Get those heels off and straighten those toes

Of course you don't have to be wearing tights to slip your stilettos off and relax your feet.  But here are three reasons for wearing tights if you are going to go about shoe-less.

• Even quite sheer tights hide those little foot imperfections.  And who, apart from SJP, can afford regular pedicures.
• Tights keep your feet that little bit warmer.
• Tights stop your feet from getting so dirty.

Now of course going about in your stocking feet could get the attention of a pantyhose pedivert.  (I made that up, good eh?  From Latin "pedi" meaning "foot" and English "pervert" meaning "sicko").  But these are mostly harmless, at least compared with a life of foot damage.

Take off your shoes in a group to deter the pedivert

Now I know some of you will say just wear flats.

But how much "sex in the city" or sex anywhere else for that matter do you get from a pair of flats?

Rock up in red tights - but is it to the Devil's tune?

Yesterday thousands of people across the UK were rocking up in their red outfits and donating £2 to support British Heart Foundation's work.  Did you rock in your red tights?

Red dress, red tights, red hair band.  You can't rock in red much more than this

Red bag, red scarf, red tights - almost as good

Red tights were particularly good for rocking red day because they allowed so much of your body to be covered in red, really showing your support.

Exhausted after rocking in red tights all day

Perhaps if you didn't find any red tights,  you wore a LRD (little red dress) ....

...or an even littler red skirt.....

... or red shoes ....

...or just you natural (or dyed) red hair

OK, you forgot it was rocking red day, but perhaps you managed some red nail varnish anyway

Lets have a closer look

Good girl red painted toes...

..and here are some more red painted toes in pantyhose (it rhymes see)

Yesterday, was also National Wear Red Day of the American Heart Association.  The Association was campaigning on the slogan that heart disease kills more women than all cancers combined.  (Heart disease is also the under-recognized killer of women in the UK.  Perhaps us girls don't complaint enough while men go to the doctor with every man-pain.  Come to think of it man and pain are synonymous)   So I hope our American sisters were wearing red pantyhose.

Even guys could join in, in red

(if they really wanted)

Well all this got me thinking of the cultural associations of red.  Red is frequently used as a symbol of guilt, sin and anger, often as connected with blood or sex. A biblical example is found in Isaiah: "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow." Also, The Scarlet Letter, an 1850 American novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, features a woman in a Puritan New England community who is punished for adultery with ostracism, her sin represented by a red letter 'A' sewn into her clothes. Would they do that to a man?  Would they fuck.

This all comes from a general Hebrew view inherited by Christianity which associates red with the blood of murder and of course menstruation.  On the subject of which I must quote this from "scripture".

9 “‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.
20 “‘Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Anyone who touches her bed will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 22 Anyone who touches anything she sits on will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 23 Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, they will be unclean till evening.
24 “‘If a man has sexual relations with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.
25 “‘When a woman has a discharge of blood for many days at a time other than her monthly period or has a discharge that continues beyond her period, she will be unclean as long as she has the discharge, just as in the days of her period. 26 Any bed she lies on while her discharge continues will be unclean, as is her bed during her monthly period, and anything she sits on will be unclean, as during her period. 27 Anyone who touches them will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.
28 “‘When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. 29 On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 30 The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge.
31 “‘You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place,[a] which is among them.’”

Leviticus 15:19-33 if you must know

Now we all know that menstruation is a sin, but you never guessed how bad a sin it is. Not only is a woman "unclean" for a week after her period begins, but everything she touches is "unclean" as well. People, beds, seats, clothing -- everything.  So you can’t touch a woman who is unclean, but worse, you can’t touch anything she has touched. If you lie on her bed, even if you were unaware it was unclean, you become unclean and must wash your clothes and bathe, and wait until evening to be clean. It sounds a bit like a kids playground game, eh? Like cooties might get you or something. I’ve always wondered how hotels are supposed to deal with this -- maybe separate rooms for the unclean? Or how about we all just assume we are unclean all the time, and make a few sacrifices to tide us over....

I feel better now I have pointed that out.  Its enough to make me go and start worshiping Satan (if I didn't already).

So girls, if you are going to be a sinner, (which is much more fun), do it in red.

Naked apart from her red tights and with a cat.  BURN the witch!

At one point, red was associated with prostitutes, or now, with brothels (red-light districts).  I must say I have nothing against either.  (A good career for a sexy out-going girl.  What you'd rather work in Lydl?)

Selling your assets in red?

Finally, a subject close to by heart, in Christianity, Satan is usually depicted as coloured red and/or wearing a red costume in both iconography and popular culture.  So why not wear your little red horns.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and you might get a visit from Beelzebub himself

You were just having a laugh in red tights and horns, but....

...look who turned up ....

.... you don't want to upset him .... unless you want to look like this..

Suitable sacrifice?

Horns, little red dress, fishnet tights, and black high heels, Satan will reward you for all  the men you tempted....

...its just that he will enjoy your reward much more than you will.

No, minister

A Tory MP has come under fire  for saying that women are putting themselves at risk of rape by wearing short skirts and high heels.  (OK he's not actually a minister and is hopefully will never become one, but it makes a better post title).  Richard Graham’s comments sparked outrage among women’s groups, who insist that if a woman becomes a victim of rape it is not because of her dress style.  Mr Graham, who in the past likened a night out in his constituency city of Gloucester to ‘decadent Rome’, said: ‘A night out is about having fun without putting yourself at risk.  If you are a young woman on her own trying to walk back home through a park early in the morning in a tight, short skirt and high shoes, and there’s a predator  .  .  .  if you are blind drunk wearing those clothes how able are you to get away?'

In danger? Short skirt.

In danger? Heels too high

In danger? Drunk

Mr Graham further said ‘It’s not about the impact of your clothes on a potential predator in my view – it’s about whether the clothes you’re wearing make it harder to get away from a predator.’

Perhaps shorts are better than skirts because you can run faster in them.  Perhaps you should go about in your stocking feet all night just in case you need to make a quick get away

Safer in shorts

Safer with your shoes off

Joy of tights could recommend that you always go out in tights so you your feet have some protection if you have to take your shoes off and  leg it.

Yes, a silly picture to go with a silly idea

And you should always stick with (a female) mate or two.

Now stick together when you go out girls

And there are handy self defence courses.

If in doubt go for the balls, but they may not always be this accessible

But this isn't point

If a girl wants to go out in heels and a short skirt - and even have a bit to drink - why shouldn't she?

Here is the point for guys of small brain

• There is nothing wrong with looking, indeed this blog is all about appreciating the joy of looking at girls in tights.  
• But don't touch unless you are sure she wants you to
• If millions of years of evolutionary history and the throbbing in your cock makes you mis-interpret the signals - remember No means NO.  NO got it?
• Look if you've got it that bad but she's not interested, go and have a wank thinking about her at home.

She doesn't look that interested

I think she probably is interested

Fuck off, means FUCK OFF

But what if men won't behave, then they should have their balls cut off

Pulling it out for the nice man with his chopper

That will stop the testosterone flowing.

Or if there higher brain centers cannot control the instincts of their primitive reptilian brain, then their brain should be boiled in the electric chair.

From the "Green Mile" - but it is no nicer today

 Also, if the UK had sensible gun laws like the US of A, girls could defend themselves.

Posed by model

Knowing the girl you are thinking of stalking might have a gun and blow your balls off, might put you off the whole idea.  Not so clever being a predator now is it?

Not posed by a model, she could blow your balls off