Sunday, 4 September 2011

Church bans tights and shorts

I have often thought that tights were the work of Satan - as have many women but for different reasons - now it appears that the Catholic Church agrees.  St. Mary's Basilica of Ernakulam-Angamli archdiocese in Kochi, India has slapped a ban on wearing revealing outfits by the faithful in the church. The church has sent a circular to every house under the parish.  The circular asked the youth not to wear low-waist trousers and T-shirts with nasty quotes and pictures of skulls. Women should avoid wearing tights and shorts that can distract the faithful.  Over the last few years, there have been growing concerns over increasing levels of 'indecent' dressing in church. Basilica vicar, Fr Jose Chirammel, observed that the congregation “needs to be guided by the spirit of morality.”  (Full story Deccan Chronicle)
Don't let her tights distract you vicar

Now here are seven meditations (one for each day of the week) explaining why I disagree with Fr Chirammel.  Each meditation is followed by an image of tights and shorts.

Sunday: Isn't God Enough

So the faithful are being distracted from their worship.  But if God is there and magnificent, how can a mere pair of female legs in tights distract the faithful.  Could it be that Fr Chirammel's services stifle the Spirit of God?  Could it be that God is not there or doesn't give a sh*t?  My more literate readers may remember Elijah and the prophets of Baal:

"And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked. " (1 Kings 18:27  KJV).  Part of this is rendered more freely by the Living Bible as "Perhaps he is talking to someone or else is out sitting on the toilet."

So that's it - God is on the bog during Church - so guy's minds wander to other things!  (Expect this to be my last post as a bolt of lightening reduces me to a pair of (Gladiator) sandals with the gooey remains of my tan tights stuck to them ***)
Cheeky girls shouldn't distract the faithful from God

Monday: The modesty of tights

Shorts and tights don't reveal much.  No bare leg flesh on show.  No chance to look up the girls skirt.  If the tights are opaque (which they are often are went worn with shorts) leg flesh will not be visible at all.  What could be more modest - OK a Burka - but this is a Christian church
You can't see much even with their shorts off
Tuesday: The Chasity of tights.  

Tights and shorts have been compared to a modern chastity belt.  Any guy wanting to get into a girls kickers has to get into her shorts and tights first
The Church wouldn't like girls getting into each other's tights

Wednesday: The Church's (lack) of knowledge of fashion

The Church is not an authority on fashion.  Cassocks are something out of the middle ages.  The fashion sense of  female  celibates its hardly second to nun.
Is showing you tights tops fashionable?  Your Priest won't know

Thursday: The Church's (lack) of knowledge

Never mind the church's lack of knowledge of fashion, it lacks knowledge of anything.  Wasn't it the Church that made in a heresy to say that the earth orbits the sun?  This was on the basis of the Bible verse "Surely the world is established so that it cannot be moved" (Psalm 93:1).  Or perhaps it was the story of Joshua:

"So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies, as it is written in the Book of Jashar. The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day" (Joshua 10:13)

For more about the Church's errors see Bible Babble
College girls know more science than the church

Friday: Don't blame the girls

If the (presumably male) church goers are distracted by girls in tights and shorts, then it is their problem, not that of the girls wearing shorts and tights.  This is getting dangerously close to blaming women who get raped for "encouraging" their attackers by their choice of clothing.
It is your right to wear a low top and be safe

Saturday: Do blame the Church

 The Church is no position to make moral pronouncements about anything.  The Roman Catholic Church in Ireland was covering up the sexual abuse of children by priests as recently as 2009, long after it issued guidelines meant to protect children, and the Vatican tacitly encouraged the cover-up by ignoring the guidelines, according to a scathing report issued in July 2011 by the Irish government. (see New York Times for details).  And then there was in the incarceration of women and girls in the the incarceration of women and girls in the Irish Magdalene laundries.
The Church has no right to moralise about your shorts and fishnets
Suitable clothing for Church?