Tights Jokes

Ho, Ho, Ho! 'Tis the season to be jolly.  Some jokes you won't find in your crackers (unless, perhaps they come from Ann Sumers).

In decreasing order of "humour":

"Joke" 1 Q: Why are men like pairs of tights? A: They either cling or run.

"Joke" 2 Jack and Jill are having sex.  As he thrusts Jack notices that Jill's toes are going up and down, up and down.  Are you enjoying it so much your toes curl with pleasure he asks [As if Ed.]  "No", she replies, I left my tights on.

"Joke" 3  Q: How can you tell that a woman in tights as farted? A: her ankles swell.
That's all folks - and aren't you glad!

Jennifer's shorts

I'm a great fan of the tights with shorts look - although I'm a bit old for it - apart from a pair of old tan tights (or these days black opaques) to keep my legs warm while jogging.

Shorts let you show off your legs to the full.  Unlike skirts they don't give the guys what they call "an upskirt flash" of what you don't want them to see.  The shorts let you show a lot of leg, the tights highlight the shape of your legs - with no distraction from pasty colour, veins or the dreaded cellulite, besides keeping you warm.  Movement is easier in shorts - no danger of a quick revelation!  If you are young enough flashing the top of your tights below the bottom of your shorts is such a sexy tease.  In fact the whole tights and shorts thing can be a real turn on for guys what they want is hard to reach and it can drive some of them wild.  (I think the fashion commentator who described the tights and shorts look as like a chastity belt went a bit far, but I think guys may see it like that).   But remember guys, its not about you.

It was good to see Jennifer Love Hewitt showing off her legs in opaque tights and shorts.  The leather look is a different take on shorts.  Love the booties with the thin high heel too.

Also dressed in tights is Clobber Girls president Emily Astroski dressing for roller derby.  (Don't you mess with her!)  Socks over tights in boots is good too.  Keeps your footsies warm and helps the boots fit better.  But don't forget to let the socks peep over the top of the boots.

Kate on tights

No not that Kate.  My hero Kate Gallaway. Talk about that Kate's (soon to be royal) tights and you will probably end up in the Tower.

Instead see how Kate Gallaway is getting on with her toner tights.  I know that stretching to breaking point feeling!

Shoes off at the party?

Apparently New Yorkers are becoming very exercised about having to take their shoes off when they party.  At least that's what the New York Post says.

Well I do have sympathy for the party goers.  You want to show off your latest pair of heels, and it is, "sorry take 'em off" at the door.  You might be flashing that bit of leg between your socks and leggings once your boots are off (Horror).  Or what if your socks do not match, or worse what if they are white?  Did I mention feet odour? - don't go there.

These party goers would be OK.  Cool tights too

But I also feel for the poor, poor (OK don't over do it here) people with carpets.  Just imagine your shag pile flattened by a pair of pointy heels.  And the risk that dog dirt being ground into your carpet.  People even have blogs about the importance of taking your shoes off when you enter another person's home. (And you thought this blog was weird). Here are some of their reasons:

• Carpets are expensive to clean
• Without a carpet dust from shoes will be breathed in
• Shoes can damage PVC and marble floors and degrade carpets.
• Shoes can pick up traces of chemicals.  (No actually that one does not bother me, I cover my legs with synthetic products at least 3 times a week).

My solution, well you just know it, take off your shoes and wear tights.  (That's pantyhose to you in NYC).

No danger of damaging the floor or sofa

 Tights look good.  Unlike socks and scraggy naked feet.  (What can be sexy about Santa socks?).  Tights highlight the shape of the foot, and hide those little imperfections we all have on our feet.  Of course their is no gap between leggings and socks - since tights go all the way down.  You can get away with a shorter skirt.  True, tights don't empathize your bum and tits like heels.  But if you are a leg girl they do really good job highlighting your legs.  Maybe even the guys will come in tights or perhaps not.

Hope he has changed his socks before coming out

Welcome

Welcome to my new blog where I'll be talking all things tights.  (That's pantyhose if you are an American sister).

 

Is this the ultimate fashion faux pas?  What do you think.  Tune in again later and get my views!