Vote, vote, vote .... for pantyhose with open shoes

Are tights with open shoes the coolest thing since ice-cream?  Or the hottest thing since multiple orgasms?  Or are they the ultimate fashion mistake? Vote in my new poll - look its just over there on the right - and let the world know what you think.  Comments - for or against - very welcome below

And the winner is.......

What colour tights did readers of this blog vote as best.....

Black (60%) - a clear majority over tan (20%) and barely black (20%).  Looks like traditional sexy association of anything black won out.

OK its less impressive since only 5 people - voted but you have got to start somewhere

Some nice sheer black tights of all of you (that's all 3 you) that love them

Stocking cumback

OMG another sleepless nights - I least you get the benefits of my wisdom in this blog!

Apparently stockings are making a come back.  The current craze for burlesque dancing and burlesque movies is driving up stocking and suspender sales.  In the 2010, underwear maker Gossard reported a 65% rise in suspender sales.  A web search reveals that as early as June 2010 big UK stores like Debenhams were reporting an increase in stocking sales.  Celebrities like Lady Gaga, Lily Allen, Katy Perry and Kylie Minogue have encouraged the trend.

Stockings and stocking feet

Of course tights are easier to put on and easier to wash than stockings.  And tights are warmer - going all the way up.  The supporters of stockings will say they are cooler in over heated offices, but so many offices have air conditioning now.  They also claim that stockings give protection against that unexpected chill on a summer's day - but they don't give protection where you need it most.

Tights can be just as fashionable as stockings.  If its fishnet you want, look at these lovely patterned fishnets.

And there is a range of fishnet styles:

These tights even have seams like stockings:

And if you really want suspenders - there are tights with a suspender look:

or how about these:

Celebs wear tights, not just stockings, look at Alexandra Burke in her fishnet tights.  Great family entertainment, I bet the young males in your home enjoyed it, and it probably helped them on the way to a tights fetish:

But none of this is the point.  Aren't stockings so much more sexy?

Shouldn't this blog that views hosiery as an essential item of sexual exploitation - of men by women that is - applaud the resurrection of stockings?  When a guy is wanking off, doesn't he see a girl in black stockings as he rubs his dick?  At that moment he blows his load onto the Kleenex isn't he thinking of cumming with her stockinged legs around him?  Stockings give a guy much easier access to a girl's clit - just pull her knickers off a slide your cock in.

Nevertheless tights (pantyhose) are more sexy.  Girls can have a skirt that goes much higher than with stockings.  They can wear short shorts with that teasing strip of thicker nylon from the boxer brief just showing under the bottom of the leg.  And tights go all the way up - giving that smooth nylon look and feel up your thighs and all over your arse.

A subtle flash of the boxer briefs on her tights

A not so subtle flash

All those pantyhose porn sites should tell us that when many guys jack off, its the thought of tights - probably with the their cock between the nyloned soles - that makes them spurt their sperm.  They think of their semen shooting over a pair of tights covered feet and then soaking into the nylon at the moment of cumming.  Tights may make a guy's access to your clit more difficult but that will excite him more - always tease.  And an extra turn on, wear tights with no knickers.  Your womanhood out of reach but protected by nothing more that a thin layer of nylon will drive him mad.  Tease him until he rips his way in.  You'll loose a pair of tights but what's it matter for a great shag?

Better to cover up

Disgusted

Dear Nicky,

I am disgusted by your last post.  It encourages violence against women.  I will be speaking to those nice people from Google immediately.

Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

What? From snakes?  I don't know of any snakes that read my blog.

But seriously the solution to male violence against women is not banning pornography, stopping women wearing short skirts in public or similar repressive measures.  The solution is the electric chair and all women juries in rape cases.  1000V and a cooked brain stops a guy re-offending and deters offers.

But as I'm all in favor of offender's rights, I'd let a guy have some control over his punishment.  The "tights-fetish pervert spared jail for groping girls" would be allowed to have a girl in tights and stocking feet pull the leaver to start the current. That's a bit harsh I hear you say.  But after he's stopped jerking and his dick's burst into flames because of all the current passed through it (a little modification to the basic chair design), he won't do it again.

Keep public transport safe for these girls - support the chair.

The lack of "No" does not mean "Yes" whatever disabilities you have.

Keep Britain's streets safe for tourists - support the cahir.

Bank Holiday Advice

Guys, when visiting the zoo, please do not feed the animals.  (They find they find the synthetic fibers in your girlfriends tights indigestable)

 

Please remove shoes before feeding this pet.  Your heels may get caught in his throat

Patterned Tights Q & A / FAQ

A while ago the Duchess of York, now 50, flashed her legs in black opaque patterned tights with a rose motif.  Well Fergie is a real people's princess, never mind Di.  I can identify with a royal that who is nearly as fat as me and in even more debt than I am.  But should we follow her example in patterned legwear?

Do these gets need breaking up?  Only if you are Dolcett

Q: Why wear patterned tights?

A: Here are some reasons for wearing patterned tights:

• Patterned tights provide a stylish way of keeping warm in winter. 

•  They act like camouflage, break up the silhouette and give people something to look at other than the shape of your legs. 

• They add a bit of oomph to your outfit, some wardrobe staples can be a little dull if not livened up with accessories.

Still in? Tasteful?

However for those of us with shorter legs - solid colour tights are advised by the St Louis Post-Dispatch.  (Also make sure the skirt hits an inch below the widest part of your thighs so that your legs look slimmer).

Q: But aren't patterned tights on the way out?

A:  Patterned tights may be one of those trends that will be on its way out as fast as it made its way in.  But at the moment it is with us. On the 31st December The Sun showed Tina O'Brien  showing off her legs - in  hotpants and patterned tights.  Tina was the school-girl mum Sarah-Louise Platt in Corrie, so that will have all you Pantyhose Perverts slobbering over her.  But back to the tights, if it looks good on you - who cares if it is "in"?


 Q: How do I wear patterned tights?

Tasteful? No the tights, not girl for Christmas lunch

A:  eHow advises:  "The key to wearing patterned tights successfully is not to allow them to overwhelm the rest of your clothing. ...... To wear patterned tights tastefully, it's best to stick to subtle patterns against a darker background."

But for those with longer legs, tights with texture and patterns that are prominent like big, bold polka dots, plaids or cable knit sweater looks are recommended by the St Louis Post-Dispatch.  (Which is much less subtle than eHow!  As they say two fashion editors three opinions).   If your killer tights are yelling "look at us", the Post-Dispatch recommends doing down the rest of your outfit, so that you don't appear to be trying too hard.

Choose a short skirt or short shorts to make the most of your tights and your legs.

Q: Are any celebs wearing patterned tights?

A: Jane March slipped into an LBD and patterned tights for the Clash Of The Titans premiere (March 2010).  We have already mentioned Tina O'Brien and them there is LiLo, Mily Cyrus and many more.

Q: Am I too old for patterned tights?

Young fresh meat (sorry, girls) in tights

LiLo - not much meat

A: Yes.  Excuse me?  Oh are you too old for patterned tights?  Well according to the Daily Mail anyone over 35 is.  The author thinks that patterned tights are automatically aging, very 1990s, and can only be warn ironically.  So is it best to wear patterned tights if you are 15 and want to pick up an older guy.  "Your honour it was those patterned tights - I thought she was 18".  Myself, given the way they give your outfit interest and improve your legs, I'd say wear them at any age.

Q: Can I wear patterned tights for work?

A: eHow thinks you can wear them with trousers (pants).    Apparently the small amount of tights visible  from below your trousers will add visual interest and show your attention to detail.

Skin too visible for work?

The Acadamie de la Mode believes you can wear patterned tights with a skirt to work.  But their advice is: "[Go for a] geometric pattern that is repeated uniformly across the legs, general symmetry,  a mostly dark colour and not a lot of skin showing through.".    Acadamie de la Mode do not recommend patterned tights with "lots of skin showing through, a pattern that is not geometrical and/or is not symmetrical, more light than dark. These patterns are a little bit distracting. Men would look at you and probably imagine removing them." In my humble opinion the whole point of tights at work is to distract men.  While their little brains are full of thoughts of getting inside your tights you can get on with making the decisions.

Q: Do guys like patterned tights?

A: I find they tend to wear sheer styles.  Oh what do guys think about us wearing patterned tights?  I suspect that they prefer something more sheer.  As Acadamie de la Mode says skin showing through turns men on.  Sheer tights are promoted in the media as being more sexy.  And when some guys are conditioned like Pavlov's dogs to associate tights with sexy, the woman wearing the tights that leads them to make the association - (often younger/older sister playing with them in an innocent or more sexual way) - is usually wearing sheers.

From the tights guys, chose one for a meal? (No, she isn't the meal, well alright then)

And now a little competition.  For each of the patterns:

• Is it suitable for work?
• Do the rest of the clothes need to be toned down?
• Is the pattern too much whatever your wear with it?
• Is it suitable for the over 40s?

Question 1

Question 2

 

Question 3

 Your prize in this competition a meal for seven - I think we can feed 7 out of you.

Had the drinks, now where is the meat?

 Now a word from our sponsor

 No not Hannah, Hannibal

"I recommend Hills Fine Meats"

Happy New Year

Hope you spent new year's evening dancing in your pantyhosed feet, snogging in your stocking feet, and then had a nice guy get inside your tights for the rest of the week.

Did you show good will to those pantyhose pervs who were eying up your tights and positively staring at your stocking feet?  It was New Year - good will and all that - no that's xmas!  They were even looking at my 48 year old feet (30 den tan from bhs in your must know).

Anyway here are some partying pics in case you got too wasted to remember your own.

 

Bet you pantyhose perverts just love those reinforced toes!

Heels and stocking feet, dancing together, someone's foots gonna get skewered

We can see your bra!  Not sure about the stripy socks

Enjoying yourselves guys?

Want to get her jeans and tights off? Go for it girls!

Far be from me to criticize, but footsie's with a gap before your skinny jeans - even socks would be better!

 And BTW, for those who know I normally post earlier in the day, I was too wasted OK!