Guys - how to buy tights for yourselves.

Guys do you have a hankering for sheer pantyhose on your legs? Of course this is nothing to be ashamed of  . This is the age of metro-sexuals and mantyhose.    You might have the kinky habit of wearing your tights without pants and leaving them with a nasty stains.  (What about nylon burns?  I won't go there).  But as far as I'm concerned as a social libertarian people should be able to do anything legal, (and I would like to see a lot more legalised), to simulate the pleasure centres of their brains to produce that lovely dopamine.

Unfortunately beneath the politically correct exterior of Europe, (and perhaps because of it), beats a fascist heart.  Some might see you as a pervert and want shot in your tights and recycled for fertiliser.   If you don't believe me study the story of Ruby Thomas.  So here's my guide to buying tights with the minimum of embarrassment and violence.

1.  Go to the store early - fewer people will see you.

2. Be sure you know the product you want - quick in and out.  (Do reconnaissance the day before).

3. Better to choose an older lady at the checkout.  However sexy the 16 year old looks in her tan tights or black opaques. They may guess who you are buying for, particularly if you can't do the next stage well and most guys can't.  The older ladies may not discuss it.  The young girls will regard you as a perv and giggle about you at their break. They will event tell their boyfriends that they served this pervert.  (Don't be caught looking at their nylon toes after that or you'll have the c**p beaten out of you).

4. Above all look confident when you go to the checkout.  Make small talk, behave just like you are buying a tube of toothpaste.

5. When the assistant says "Are you having fun with these..."  Don't say they are for my partner.  [(a) They aren't (b) You don't have one].  Try "not really I prefer black fishnet" or some such response.

6. Next time try a different branch.  It reduces the chances of you being identified as "that bloke who buys women's tights"

7.  Christmas is a good time to buy - they could be presents.  Everyone is too stressed to worry.  So you only have one tights shopping day left.

Of course you could buy mantyhose online, but you know that the pleasure is they are women's tights.