Girls Alound fall silent, but you could be as loud as Cheryl with your brightly tattooed legs. (Or should you mute them under a pair of tights?)

(Phew!  That must be my longest post title ever!) OMG! so many !!

Girls Aloud have split up, following the last night of their "Ten" reunion tour. During the tour Cheryl Cole showed off her latest piece of body art.  She has described how painful her rose tattoo was, and explained she spent 15 hours under the needle to achieve the look

"So what?" you may ask.  This is "Joy of Tights" not "Joy of Tattoos".  However alert readers of this blog will have noticed that Ms Cole was also wearing fishnet tights which were covering some other tattoos.

Cheryl's ninth tattoo, barbed wire around her leg during the music video for Call My Name.

I'm all in favour of tattoos, reclaiming our bodeies as vehicles of self-expression.  But Ms Cole begs the question: if you have tattoos why cover them up with tights?  Maybe you are feeling cold.

And there are some tattoos that would normally be covered up by other clothes, so wearing tights won't obscure them any more.

The classic "tramp stamp" won't be seen whether you are wearing tights or not, unless you are being a tramp when the tights will come off anyway

This tattoo would be hidden by boots

If your tattoos are in a place that would usually be visible, you may be wearing tights over your tattoos to hide them in a particular setting such as a family gathering or the workplace.  However this needs not only dark tights, but very thick tights.  You may not want to cover up that much flesh or it may be too warm for 100 denier opaques.

Not black enough

Not thick enough.  (The tights that is, not the man in her life)

It may be better to use make-up to cover-up your tattoo.  Here's how according to eHow:

1. Test different concealers or foundations on the tattoo to be covered. The make-up must match perfectly with skin tone. It might take a combination of several colours to get the right match.

2.Prepare the skin by shaving off any hair covering the tattoo. Make up will stick to the hair possibly drawing more attention to the area than the tattoo would.
   
3. Apply one thin coat of the matched concealer to the tattoo. The makeup should extend over the edges of the tattoo and blend with the skin so there is no defined line between the makeup and the skin. Blend with fingers, a foam wedge or a flat makeup brush. Allow the layer to dry completely.

4. Repeat step three. Apply one very thin coat of concealer, blend and allow it to dry completely. Once it is dry, apply one more coat, blend and allow it to dry.

5. Use the powder brush to reduce shininess by dusting a translucent powder over the tattoo. The powder should be slightly lighter than your natural skin tone. Not only will this tone down the shininess, it will help to set the make up underneath making for a longer lasting finish.

There are also various products designed especially to conceal tattoos.  Isn't capitalism wonderful, it provides you with products to hide your anti-capitalist tattoo at a job interview.

Myself I would still put on a pair of tights to add that extra level of camouflage.  Perhaps the tights will hold the make-up in place.  (Careful how you put them on).  Or if the make-up defence fails, perhaps the tights will continue to confuse prying eyes looking for tattoos.

Left leg tattoo quite well hidden even without make-up

Of course you may have other reasons for wearing tights over your tattoo.  While you want your tattoo still to be visible (sheer tights), other features like cellulite you might want to tone down.  (not so sheer tights).

Who's hiding what?

But enough of these "practical" reasons; I'd like to suggest that tights and tattoos together are a fashion statement.  A strap-line of this blog might be "Showing less is showing more" or "Conceal to reveal".  (Fashion meets 1984.  Bondage is freedom and all that).

Whoops, sorry that bit of bondage just slipped out with all that bondage is freedom stuff.  Look, its not totally off topic she has got a tattoo

Real bondage too strong, go for bondage tights like Cheryl

 Where was I?  Oh yes, tattoos under tights as a fashion statement.  By obscuring your tattoos under tights you might actually draw more attention to them.    Perhaps guys will want to get your tights off to get a closer look at your tattoos.  (Although in reality I suspect that they will want to get your tights off to get a closer look at something else ;)

Also by matching your tattoos with different shades and deniers of tights you can create a different effect.  Make your tattoos even darker with some sheer black tights.

Add to your Goth or rock chic image combining tattoos with fishnets.

 

Or you could wear tan or nude tights to give that tattoo on tanned skin effect.

Very light tan

KISS: Amelia Lily wears a pair of lipstick-print tights

Since leaping to fame on The X Factor 18 months ago, Amelia Lily has always stood out from the crowd.  And as she left The Ivy in London on Monday night, (look it takes Joy of Tights a while to catch up with these things), there was no missing the teenage singer in her eye-catching lipstick-print tights. The 18-year-old's tight featured red and pink lipstick prints, which she teamed with a black playsuit and leather jacket as she left the West End restaurant and bar.

Well since seeing Amelia in her fantastic tights, Joy of Tights has been wondering where you can get a pair.  There have certainly been a range of lippy tights made.

More lips than Amelia, perhaps  a little too many..

Lippy tights with outfit

Well I like the pair I found at ModCloth.  They have a nice sparkle as well as nice kisses.  And they have a reinforced toe which I always think helps tights live a little longer.  But you have to order from the US, although the site does make a thing about shipping to the UK too.

Sparkles and Kisses form Modcloth

DIY kisses tights
Now being a naughty person Joy of Tights thought you could make your own tights with kisses on.  Yes you could get the lippy out and draw on a pair.  But wouldn't it be more fun to get a girlfriend to kiss your tights?

Get those lippy lips all over her tights

Go on, you want to snog the fishnets!

Getting kisses all over her tights

If you are not the kind of girl who likes other girls kissing her legs, you might get a guy to do it.

Tights with kisses on for Christmas?

Go on, plant a smacker on her tights

Now what is he going to kiss?

Now whilst you will always get a guy to kiss your legs, and somewhere else if you are lucky, getting him in the lippy might be more difficult.  (And do you want to - especially if he is already into wearing tights?).

High heels or healthy feet? or The trials of SJP

Sarah Jessica Parker claims that high heels have ruined her feet.  Apparently years of wearing stilettos have left her feet deformed and she no longer wears high heels.  Miss Parker claims that she worked 18 hour days and never took her heels off.

This, Joy of Tights thinks, may be at the root of Miss Parker's problem.  Yes heels are wonderful.  But your feet need lots of breaks from them.  I might be as bold as to suggest that if you are doing 18 hour days, perhaps 9 of those hours need to be in your bare or stocking feet.

Walk in heels, but don't run in anything but your stocking feet.

Ready to run?

Apparently Miss Parker went to a foot doctor who said "Your foot does things it shouldn't be able to do.  That bone there .... You've created that bone.  It does not belong there."  If only Miss Parker had slipped her feet out of her shoes.

Ahhh so nice to get your foot out of heels

Podiatrists (aka foot doctors) reckon there are two health problems with heels:

• They cause "hammer toe" because the front of your foot is permanently bent
• The shorten the calf making in harder to walk up hills (Who wants to walk up a hill anyway?).

Get those heels off and straighten those toes

Of course you don't have to be wearing tights to slip your stilettos off and relax your feet.  But here are three reasons for wearing tights if you are going to go about shoe-less.

• Even quite sheer tights hide those little foot imperfections.  And who, apart from SJP, can afford regular pedicures.
• Tights keep your feet that little bit warmer.
• Tights stop your feet from getting so dirty.

Now of course going about in your stocking feet could get the attention of a pantyhose pedivert.  (I made that up, good eh?  From Latin "pedi" meaning "foot" and English "pervert" meaning "sicko").  But these are mostly harmless, at least compared with a life of foot damage.

Take off your shoes in a group to deter the pedivert

Now I know some of you will say just wear flats.

But how much "sex in the city" or sex anywhere else for that matter do you get from a pair of flats?

These tights are armed (if not dangerous)

Ever felt like taking a gun into the office.  Just to scare the shit out of that accounts bitch?

Well don't! Even if it is just your toy from cosplay.  The great British Bobby (evenin all - mind how you go), lacks a sense of humour, and you are liable to end up with a bullet in the brain.

But if you do need to be tooled up in tights try these:

With the body of the gun and barrel on one leg and the handle on the other, Joy of Tights is sure there are some who would call them 'controversial' and 'shocing', but Joy of Tights thinks they look kinda cool.

So lets see them on:

OK, and how do they fit into the whole outfit?

And where can you get them?  Sadly they are out of production.  But fear not there were heaps of the tights on sale on eBay, some starting from as little as £2.

Sponsored by Apple like everything else

So who wears these tights? Ellie Goulding - (English singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist) - has impressive fashion sense. Keeping things largely casual, she selects quirky and individual pieces to style up a low-key look, like these tights.

Just to show Ellie's choice of these tights is not a one off:

So get these tights while stocks last, but wear others in a situation where laddering is likely!

I couldn't help myself, I just had a add a naughty picture.  But you wouldn't want your machine gun tights to go like this?