Christmas and the single girl - how a few pairs of tights can help

Christmas rapidly approaches.  That time for spending time with families that we hate and spend the rest of the year avoiding.  So here's a guide to how packing a few pairs of tights can help the single girl off to a family gathering.

This some practical points.

1.  Tights keep you warm.  Even in a mild winter the family home may be freezing, and you will want to get away from the horde even if it is into the freezing blizzard outside.  Tights will help in both cases.

2. Tights are an easy way to change a outfit.  You can change the look of your outfit merely by changing your tights.  So you can take fewer outfits.  Or better still you can take lots of outfits and appear to have lots more outfits.

Change to sheer tan tights for a different look

3. Tights make shoes more comfortable.  You want to wear your best heels at Christmas.  Both to make you feel better and to show off to the relatives.  Tights can make these shoes more comfortable.  And if you have to take your shoes off the relatives may find stocking feet more acceptable that bare feet.

You have not even got home yet, and your heels hurt!

But perhaps more important are the social and psychological benefits of wearing tights:

4. Tights can make you feel better.  Tights make your legs look better by hiding imperfections and highlighting their shape.  This will improve your mood.  What is more if you are wearing outfits with tights you will probably make more of an effort.  The care needed to get your tights right will encourage you to take the same care with the rest of your outfit.  Of course you can still look a mess in tights, but it is much easier to look slovenly in socks and jeans.

Feel good in your tights

5. Tights are a way of defining your identity.  We all need to know who we are.  And in these post modern days you might as well define yourself as a lover of tights as anything else.  Better that people know you as the girl always in tights, or as the girl in interesting tights, than not know you at all.  In these days when such a variety of tights are available and many avoid tights, it is possible to define yourself in terms of tights.  If the gods are dead, you might as well worship tights as the TV, the web, your 'phone or TOWIE.

Even royalty has been prepared to define themselves in terms of tights.  Look at all the media excitement when Kate Middleton was seen in sheer nude tights.

But my particular tights heroine is "Sweet in Pantyhose" who has for a number of years been promoting the joy of pantyhose on the web.  Sweet has defined herself in terms of her tan / nude pantyhose and her trademark heels.

Junior pantyhose pervert meets older tights wearer

Not at Christmas - but can happen @ Christmas 2

6. You'll always have a friend if you wear tights.  Yes there is bound to be someone in your extended family or in the neighbours who get invited round who is a pantyhose pervert.  Now normally you might want to avoid the pantyhose pervert, but if no one else is talking to you, slip off your heels, walk around in your stocking feet, and a PH pervert will come to talk to you.  His conversation may be stilted as he keeps focusing on your tights, but at least you will have company.  You can exploit him to get you drinks and may even persuade him to buy you new shoes to go with your tights.  If conversation flags, just mention tights - something like "These new M&S tights don't ladder so often", and the talk will flow (and his mouth will water).  You may find it difficult to get rid of him.  But if a shag is available nowhere else, he will fuck your brains out - but only as long as you keep your tights on.

Which brings me on to the use of tights for Christmas sex.

Tights vs socks.  Who get the only half decent guy?

7. Tights will help you get a Christmas shag....  A man won't have to be a PH pervert to be attracted to your legs in tights.  (Notice your legs in tights, not your tights).   Your smoother, more shapely legs will attract him.  And even a normal man gets some sexual arousal from black sheer nylon or black fishnet.  You can wear your skirt shorter with tights and even flash your tights tops - a way of showing him your underwear, while not quite showing him your underwear.  Last but not least, that extra confidence from wearing tights will make you extra attractive.
8. ...without looking like a Christmas slag.  Yes I know you could go in bare legs.  But think how cheap bare legs make you look.  You will look like a girl out to get pissed and be on the pull on a Friday night.  The guys will be wondering if you even have knickers on.  You want to man, but you don't want to appear too desperate, or you'll get a chav  you gives you a quick and (for you) unsatisfying fuck.  Guys are falling over themselves to get in girl's muff, don't make it too easy for them.

Would you really ware that dress without tights?

Finally, some points that I can't fit anywhere else:

9. Spare pairs of tights make last minute presents.  Forgot to get your niece a present?  Looks like she is about your size.  Give her that pair of unopened black tights.   You might:

• Turn her into a tights lover.
• Get her a ride with a hot guy.
• Get the local pantyhose pervert tossing off over her.
• Get her to think you are a tight (ungenerous) bitch - which you are.

Even more fun - if you can identify your family's pantyhose pervert - give him a pair of your (used) pantyhose wrapped up under the Christmas tree.  Watch the colour of his face - and his trousers - when he opens them.

Looks like she enjoying herself, even if they were a pair of old Tesco tights you found in your bag

When alcohol fails, strangulation is

the only means of escape from the relatives

10. If all else fails, end it all with tights.  Yes you can try to hang yourself with a pair of your tights.   If tights define your identity what better way to go but wearing a pair while another pair squeezes the breath of life out of you?  OK, I'm not sure your tights will take your weight, but if your family pantyhose pervert is pervy enough he may finish you off......

Happy Christmas!

You pantyhose perverts are weirdos

What missing from this list?

1.  Youth (13.5 per cent)
2. Gay (4.7 per cent)
3. MILFs (4.3 per cent)    
4. Breasts (4 per cent)
5. Cheating wives (3.4 per cent)
6. Vaginas (2.8 per cent)
7. Penises (2.4 per cent)
8. (Blocked out )
9. Butts (0.9 per cent)
10. Cheerleaders (0.1 per cent)

Doh!  No idea?
Here's a little pictorial clue:

  No, is not play ground equipment.  Let's try another one.

No, its not youth either.  In fact that was number 1 with 13.5%.  It just shows inside every man beats the heart of a paedo. So lets try another one:

No, its not feet either.  But you are getting warmer (don't start on gynophagia).  I see where you are cumming from (or maybe on to).  Try this one:

Yes, that's right pantyhose.  Do you have a brain cell?  Never mind.  The above is the list of the top sex related searches according to latest, largest Internet sex survey by by Ogi Ogas, Ph.D., and Sai Gaddam, Ph.D.  So you see guys pantyhose must be somewhere under Chreerleaders at 0.1%.  You really are a weirdo.  Out of 1000 men there is probably only one pantyhose pervert and that's you.  Even the too awful to be printed perversion (what could it be gynophagia?) has more followers that yours.

Now don't get me wrong I think tights and pantyhose are a great fashion item, although not as great as shoes.  Many normal guys think they make girls legs look better too.  It could be the way they highlight the leg shape, the way they tease by hiding and revealing, that little bit of shine, the way pantyhose remind them of stockings or even the silky texture.

Normal guy who likes a girl in tights

 The rare weirdos who are pantyhose perverts have one or more of the following characteristics:

1. Sex is difficult, probably impossible, if their partner is not in tights.  Do you really want to put a pair on every time your guy wants a shag?
2. The tights are more important than the girl.  A granny in pantyhose is better than a cute 17 year old with bare legs.
3. The tights are the only thing that is important.  He starts dressing up in tights and that's the only way he gets off.  (Girls, watch out for missing tights from the laundry baskets, a drop in sex drive and his eyes furtively moving to the tights section of the department store.)

If he doesn't admit this girl is cute he may already be a pantyhose pervert

 When I describe pantyhose perverts as weirdos you may argue that I shouldn't encourage them in this blog.  After all they may enjoy this entry - especially if it has pictures like this:

Pantyhose perverts dream?

Well its fun teasing pervs.  You could say its wrong but I offer this little syllogism in my defense:

• God is dead (Nietzsche)
• when God is dead everything is permitted (Dostoyevsky)
• therefore teasing pantyhose perverts and making their fueling their addiction is permitted.

Still I can just hear all you pervs out there saying "this can't be right, there are 1000s of pantyhose sites on the web.... I chat with fellow pantyhose perverts every day about my favorite brand of hose"  Look at it this way - these guys are PhDs so what they say must be true.  (No, irony is a bit difficult, don't worry about it).  There may appear to be a lot of pantyhose sites but they are a small proportion of all the perversion on the net.  OK, listen to how these guys did their research:

"We analyzed a billion web searches, a million Web sites, a million erotic stories, a half-million erotic videos, millions of personal ads, millions of online dating responses, millions of paid subscriptions to adult sites, tens of thousands of comments on erotic sites, tens of thousands of digitized romance novels, and much more."

Who's monitoring your searching?

 The small print.....
Sai Gaddam actually said about the list above quoted by most of the media:
“The list was misquoted from our book. BUTTS is actually the 21st most popular search, and CHEERLEADE­RS are the 79th most popular search. What she describes as "Blocked out in the book" was actually an intentiona­l whitespace break used to indicate that there was a nonconsecu­tive jump in the ranking--f­rom #7 to #21.” (comment to the Huffington Post)   Amateurs, mature, and animation are actually next in that order.  Hey it weakens my case but you are still a Weirdo

Weirdo  = "A strange, odd, eccentric person; An insane, possibly dangerous person"

At least 10 reasons to dance in your stocking feet

One It is more comfortable.  Heels look good, but can be murder on the dance floor.  Even flats start to pinch.

Would she be less miserable if she look her shoes off?

Two.  It is cooler.  Your feet can get so hot and pongy as you strut your sexy stuff.

Just cooling those feet off girls?

Three It is safer.  You don't twist your ankle falling over in your heels.  And (if you care) you won't stab others feet with your heels.  Course you have to watch out for those gawky pantyhose loving perverts who dance close to you just to oggle your nyloned toes and then step on your feet.

Bastard.  You stood on my feet and you are perving my legs

Four.  More freedom of movement.  Look how this girl slips her shoes off once she gets going

Five.  It is more natural.  When our ancient sisters danced to attract the men with the best sperm they did it in their bare feet.  It's our stocking feet that will get us the men with the biggest cocks.

Taking their shoes off is a natural as showing guys their tits.

Six.  Many professional dancers often work in their bare feet.  If they don't try to dance in heels why should you? Look at how well  Michelle dances in her opaque tights.

Seven.  Dancing in your stocking feet lets you show off your feet.  Guys like feet.  It was concluded in a recent survey that the most common fetishes are for body parts or for objects usually associated with body parts (33% and 30% respectively). Among those people preferring body parts, feet and toes were preferred by the greatest number, with 47% of those sampled preferring them. Do the Math and 16% of guys have a foot fetish.  I think feet are greatly under-rated.  Early men must (unconsciously)  have looked for partners with good feet so their offspring could run from predators and run after game.  Of course wearing tights will show your feet in the best possible light.

With all these feet a foot loving perv will be staring all night, and then wanking himself silly for the next week

Eight.  Tights are so much more slidy.  Shiney nylon tights let you slide around the dance floor in a way you just can't in bare feet.

...but don't slide off the furniture.

Nine.  Dancing in your tights feet gets you attention..  You will stand out from the crowd in your stocking feet.  Partly because you will be dancing better.  Partly because guys will see your lovely feet.  And partly because you will look as though you are enjoying yourself unlike those clattering round the dance floor in  heels. Of course if everyone got your shoes off you wouldn't be so obvious - but many people can't let go enough to get their shoes off.  And even if there are more bare foot dancers your shiny tights will still make you stand out.

Spot the stocking feet

Ten.  Tights keep your feet clean.  A small advantage over bare feet

Eleven.  In your stocking feet you will be more relaxed and less inhibited.  Just look at these Russian girls.  Although I feel a little vodka may have been involved.

Twelve.  Stocking feet give the opportunity for a bit of foot teasing when dancing close up.  If you like him let your toes work up is leg and his cock will soon be ready for action.

....go on start stroking his socks with your tights feet...

Thirteen.  We can all dance round our shoes once we slip them off.  Ah maybe not...

I know many of these advantages of tights feet also apply to dancing in your bare feet or even in your socks.  But legs and feet look so much better in tights.  And with that sexy look comes the added confidence to have a real good time.

Let yourselves go in your tights

Pantyhose Pervert Alert

Girls this is what a pantyhose pervert looks like

A 43-year-old Pennsylvania man was apparently making calls across the U.S., trying to get women involved in sexually explicit conversations about pantyhose.  Alan Swartz, 43 turned himself in on Tuesday.

Swartz, it is claimed, had been calling all over the United States for the past five years. Swartz placed random calls almost daily, sometimes exceeding four hundred (400) calls per day.  Police said they first became aware of the calls in October 2010 when local businesses reported them. Employees at the businesses said a man was calling multiple times, trying to talk about pantyhose.

Now I'm sure all you pantyhose pervs out there are saying "What an awful man".  But admit it - you'd like to talk to woman about pantyhose all day.  You are already glued to your computer searching for the latest leg covered in black nylon, or a cute pair of feet in tan tights.  You probably make women uncomfortable as you keep looking at their pantyhosed legs.  And if they are not wearing shoes you it won't be discrete looks, your eyes will be out on stalks!  I bet more than woman has called you a perv as you looked longingly at her stocking feet. And when you get home, you will be slipping under the duvet and beating your meat until you blow that slimy load - thinking of how you wish it were spurting onto the stocking feet of some poor young girl at work.

In the next life you will be reborn as a slug, only to be squashed under a high heeled sandal.  Or maybe Satan will stick red hot pokers up your arse in hell.

I know I shouldn't encourage you, but its too much fun:

 

OK one more

Now off you go to bed to play with your cock.  Just remember:

• No calls to strange ladies about pantyhose

• No looking at girls stocking feet.  (Just a very discrete peep if you must).

• No talking to girls in the street about the denier of their tights

• No rubbing yourself in public just because a girl with tan tights and open sandals has gone by.

Bad boy! No looking as she changes her shoes