To hose or not to hose, is not a question

A recent edition of the Huffington Post said that when it comes to pantyhose - both males and females have strong opinions - too true!

As regular readers - (does anyone read this blog or just perv the pics?) - of this blog will know, for Joy of Tights, to hose or not to hose is not a question.  A girl should always be hosed up, any time, any place.  It's an article of faith.  Now as religions go it doesn't offer much, no eternal life or a god finding you parking spaces.  But it does offer personal fulfilment (of a sort) - feeling good about the way you look - legs especially.  And its altruistic, lots of guys will appreciate you being hosed.  These guys are often the poor pervy misfits who long for a girlfriend in tights, but have never had a girlfriend (with or without the tights).  See any religion should love the unlovely.

At the very least Hoseism or Hoseanity does NOT recommend shooting, bombing or crusading.  And if there is a god of Hose, and he will be a He, I suspect he's quite benign.  Upset Him and up will get a ladder or a fungal infection, but keep hosed up and He might just put in a word with some of the other gods.  (You know the ones in charge of Jobs, Relationships and Cancer).

Think of this blog as a little bit of hose evangelism or may Hose-vangelism.  An apologetic for pantyhose and like all apologetics it reserves the right to use ludicrous arguments.

Oh, and unlike other religions I could mention, Hoseanity isn't exclusive.  You be a Hoseian and still go to church.  Just get nicely hosed up before you go in.  (Thanks girls)

Anyway back to the Huffington Post article.  The author goes on to list a number of considerations you should take into account when deciding to hose or not to hose.

• Where will you be going?
• What kind of event is it?
• Where's it being held?
• How formal is it?
• Who else will be in attendance?
• What'll you be wearing?
• What kind of shoes?
• How will you be getting there?

Now as a committed Hoseian - (yes I know this post is evidence that I should be committed to a padded cell) - I'd like to argue that hosing up is appropriate in all situations.  I do this with a visual argument - yes by posting lots of pics.

Well its quite a formal meal judging by the way the guys are dressed.  Probably at a restaurant.  Wearing a classic LBD.  Footwear is boots - even if she has slipped them off.  Hose lend just the right level of seriousness, bare legs would be too casual

Next

Going to a bar or club.  Not quite so formal, but they would probably, throw you out if you were too scruffy.  Going with a mate.  Wearing classic LBD again. Footwear: heels.  Hose give you that sex appeal

Partying.  With friends.  Venue a club.  Patterned Dress.  Stocking feet (you did come in heels but dancing is easier in stocking feet).  Not so formal.  Hose show your legs off to best effect.

Party with boyfriend.  Not formal, but you wanted him to make an effort, so its good that you did too by getting hosed up.  With his mates so your hose help him to show you off.  Low top.  Stocking feet.  Your hose help him to have a morning glory in the evening too.

Work meal, in a restaurant.  Not really formal, but you want to put in an effort for the boss.  LBD, heels.  Hose give slight sexiness but without looking slutty.  He's a man, so it can't hurt your promotion prospects.

Meal with partnered friends.  At their house.  Nice print dress.  Stocking feet 'cos you feel for relaxed without shoes.  There with partner and he likes you looking nice.  Black of hose works with red of dress.

At the cinema or theatre.  Blouse and skirt.  Heels.  Wearing hose is part of making it a bit more of a special occasion by dressing up

Party at church hall.  Going with bff.  Short sleeved top and skirt.  Heels.  Want to show your legs off but the hall gets drafty so hose up for warmth.

Church.  Formal.  Low heels and dress.  Hose show that you are a good Christian not revealing too much.  Remember the god of Hose doesn't mind you going to church as long as you worship him by hosing up daily.

Now from the ridiculous to the sublime.  Pole Dancing.  LBD.  Nice low neck line.  Stocking feet - heels would just fly off.  Hose keep you looking sexy without showing too much.

Fancy dress - tights can get your legs in costume.  White for nursey, leafy camouflage for the soldier or sexy black for the ....

Travel by limo. the hose can let you show lots of leg without showing the driver too much

Travel by tube in your flats, tights let you make the best of your legs and give a bit of warmth for walking at the other end

The Huffington Post goes on to give some advice about hosing up.

"Some people think that nude pantyhose and stockings are outdated and can age you"

Now I don't think nude or tan pantyhose can age you

 Unless you are aged

In which case pantyhose will improve your legs even more.  (I speak here sisters as one of the aged)

Black pantyhose are damned with faint praise.

"Black pantyhose fare a little better and black stockings can be seen as quite sexy. Especially when you throw in a garter belt."

 I'd say that many man see black pantyhose as very sexy.

He clearly has no problem with black hose

Classically sexy

Look a suspender belt effect with tights, but it's not a look to get locked into.

Sadly its only opaques and patterned tights that come out well for the Post:

"Patterned and opaque tights on the other hand are more current, not to mention extremely practical during the colder winter months. But throw in the whole holiday party thing and, well, you get the idea."

There is one more pro-Tights comment from this article

"If you're going to be wearing a mini skirt and are opposed to hose, consider wearing opaque tights -- exposing most of your leg during the winter (holiday party or not), can be a bit much."

Skirt or shorts?  Same principle.

 Joy Of Tights can almost agree with this last sentiment.  Here is my version

"exposing     of your leg during the winter (holiday party or not), is be a bit much."  Get hosed up