What to get a girl for Valentine's day

Guys need a way into your girl's heart on Valentine's Day?

Yes guys, I know you are looking for a way into her knickers - but I'm telling you how to get into her heart.

You may think I have left this advice a bit late, but I know that most guys don't think about Valentine's day until now.  In fact many of you will be trying to get gifts on your way to work or on your way home from work tomorrow.

First Suggestion: Flowers

They always go down well. Yes I know

• .... they are a rip off
• ... they don't last

but so what?

And no, flowers from the petrol station won't do

Girls, if you see guys buying flowers at the service station while you are filling your car - you know where to stick the nozzle

Second Suggestion: Jewellery

Good but does require thought - which you guys are not good at.

Not an anklet because you like your women to have the slutty look

Better - but tacky

I like these - so dangly - but jewellery it is very personal so you actually have to know what your girl likes.

Third Suggestion: Tech

What's the most important thing in your girl's life?

• You? Nowhere close
• Shoes? Close second
• Her 'phone? Yes.  How about buying her a matching tablet or other tech? 

Fourth Suggestion: A car
Feeling like splashing the cash, buy the love of your life a little run about.

Now the No Nos

First No No: Tights

We might like tights.  We might know you like us in tights.  But buying us tights - even ones with sweet hearts on - is weird.

Second No No: Drink
We like alcohol. But if you just buy us booze - we will just think you are trying to get us pissed.

Is that all he got you; that lousy bottle?

Third No No: A Tattoo
Unless you are sure she really wants one

Fourth No No: An exotic pet

Not everyone likes flesh eating giant worms

So what are you buying him on-line for Valentine's day?

Socks - excellent