Joy of Tights (aka pantyhose): The real meaning of Easter

Sunday, 31 March 2013

The real meaning of Easter - Easter Bunnies

I'm not being quite as facetious as you might think. Easter was a celebration of fertility - who is more fertile than bunnies?

I know the kind of Bunnies my viewers want to see

In case you doubt that Easter was a Pagan fertility celebration, here is what one site says:

"The name "Easter" originated with the names of an ancient Goddess and God. The Venerable Bede, (672-735 CE - note not AD.) a Christian scholar, first asserted in his book De Ratione Temporum that Easter was named after Eostre (a.k.a. Eastre). She was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxon people in Northern Europe." Pagen Origins of Easter

Bunny in the woods

The same site goes on:

"Similarly, the "Teutonic dawn goddess of fertility [was] known variously as Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostre, Eostur, Eastra, Eastur, Austron and Ausos." Her name was derived from the ancient word for spring: "eastre." Similar Goddesses were known by other names in ancient cultures around the Mediterranean, and were celebrated in the springtime. Some were:

Aphrodite, named Cytherea (Lady of Cythera) and Cypris (Lady of Cyprus) after the two places which claimed her birth;
Ashtoreth from ancient Israel (probably more popular that the God of Old Testament (Yahweh) in ancient Palestine - you need someone to make your crops grow!)
Astarte from ancient Greece;
from Mycenae;
Hathor from ancient Egypt;
Ishtar from Assyria;
Kali, from India (not a goddess to mess with); and
Ostara a Norse Goddess of fertility.

Whilst a bunny's natural habitat is the woods....

... many bunnies are kept inside

Of course such emphasis on fertility has always been a problem for Christians:

"Fertility cults and rituals have always presented a problem for the Christian church. According to Hyde and DeLamater (2006), when Christianity first began to assert its stronghold on mankind, "Hebrew leaders saw in the fertility cult, a threat to their religion" and as a result, many sexual practices were forbidden because they challenged biblical principles of order. Circumventing the Christian God in order to invoke a process that was deemed to be under this God's complete control was considered an intolerable sin. Here, man's connection to nature gave him no ownership or influence over its processes. " (Fertility cuts and the making of sexual magic)

Are tights and stocking an aid to sexual magic?

But Christianity itself may be a fertility cult:

"By studying the development of language in relation to the development of myths, religions, and cultic practices in world cultures, [Dead Sea Scrolls scholar John] Allegro believed he could prove, through etymology, that the roots of Christianity, as of many other religions, lay in fertility cults."

Most scholars are not convinced of John Allegro's ideas - not surprising given most scholars of the subject are Christian, but even they admit:

"There are some avoided topics in early Christian history like the Apocryphal gospels of Mary, Christ's acceptance by the community without being married, his relationship with Mary and Martha where you could tease out some fertility ritualism There are some avoided topics in early Christian history like the Apocryphal gospels of Mary, Christ's acceptance by the community without being married, his relationship with Mary and Martha where you could tease out some fertility ritualism ....."

Word to the brothers in Christ - don't feel bad about looking at this image - remember your religion may originally been a fertility cult

Good Christian girls don't have to be angels

You might not be convinced that Easter is about fertility. However, I'm sure you don't need convincing that bunnies are a good symbol of fertility, but just in case you are wikipedia says:

"Rabbits and hares are both prolific breeders. Female hares can conceive a second litter of offspring while still pregnant with the first. This phenomenon is known as superfetation. Lagomorphs mature sexually at an early age and can give birth to several litters a year (hence the saying, "to breed like bunnies"). It is therefore not surprising that rabbits and hares should become fertility symbols, or that their springtime mating antics should enter into Easter folklore."

Although this bunny won't be doing much breeding ... but the "bunny" on his back might be

Lesbian bunnies? Probably not. Probably they are just doing it to turn on the male of the species

And for good measure a word about the origin of the other kind of bunnies featured in this post - or at least the origins of their costume.

"The costume itself was conceived by Playboy's director of promotions, Victor Lownes, designed by Zelda Wynn Valdes, and subsequently refined by Hugh Hefner. Originally the ears were taller and the ensemble lacked the trademark bow tie, collar, and cuffs. First unveiled publicly in an early episode of Playboy's Penthouse, it made its formal debut at the opening of the first Playboy Club in Chicago on the evening of February 29, 1960."

Since then variations of the bunny have got international

And have been used to sell stuff

And of course girls who want to look sexy at parties dress as bunnies. A good way of teasing guys and having a laugh with your mates.

So what should you do this Easter day?

Try some sympathetic fertility magic obviously

Now you are probably reading this because you are a sado without a partner. Well go and have a wank. It is duty to keep your sperm healthy just in case you get the chance of a fuck. If you are don't believe me, here is what a wise geek says:

"Experts recommend restricting ejaculation to once every two or three days to optimize the health of sperm. Men who are sexually abstinent may be well advised to masturbate as a replacement for intercourse. Experts recommend restricting ejaculation to once every two or three days to optimize the health of sperm. Men who are sexually abstinent may be well advised to masturbate as a replacement for intercourse. "

I see you are ready, already

Why not look at some of the bunnies on this page to help you wank yourself off? (Girls that you'll never have in reality). OK a few more just for you.