Laugh? I almost pissed my tights

Question: How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights?

Answer:

• 10 little piggies,
• 2 calves,
• a beaver,
• an ass,
• a bunch of hares,
• and a fish that nobody can seem to find

 Don't laugh then, just because you forgot your skirt!

Nyloned Foot Job

What is a foot job?
When you rub a guys cock between your feet (usually wearing pantyhose or stockings - they give a smoother stroke) until he blows his load over your feet.  (His cum first laying on the nylon and then being absorbed into the fabric).  If you really don't want to do a foot job in your nylons I would recommend using baby lotion or a similar lubricant for your feet.

Why would I want to do that?

No you are not having a fucking footjob

• Its hygienic, your feet won't catch anything from his spunk.  Spunk on your hands may get, well you know, down there.  But those little sperm aren't going to be able to climb up your tights to do their job.
• No taste.  With blow job you have that horrible, slimy, salty stuff in your mouth.  They may want you to swallow it.  Look, guys, I know you think its the nectar of the gods, the lo-cal food all women should feed on all day, but to us its gunk.
• You can watch his face as he comes - this can be amusing.
• You have the power.  He is at your feet.  He is not thrusting into you.  You can make it as quick or slow as you want.  Fast and hard to get him to spurt and return to what passes for rationality in males.  Or real slow to get him begging you to finish.
• If you have never worked a guys cock before, a footjob is the place to start.  Less messy than hand and blow jobs.  A good way to learn how a cock works

Looser givers him a foot job

Why would he want me to do that?
There are guys that go to sleep rubbing their dicks off at the thought of a pair of feet with in black tights with reinforced toes giving them a foot job.  As their cock throbs and spurts its wasted semen they imagine soaking those feet.  They then fall into a deep sleep, to descend, eventually, to a virtual reality created by their own brains where women pad about in  stocking feet all day. Such is the sad existence of the pantyhose pervert.

Guys how could you not want those feet

But let's talk about normal guys.

• If a foot job is all that is on offer he'll take it - its that or wank off with a box of Kleenex like a sad looser at home.  If you don't want to shag him or suck his knob just say no.  The more we say no the more power we have.
• Feet are actually sexy.  Especially in nylon where the shape is highlighted.  I expect early man looked at a females legs and feet before shagging her.  After all his programming would be looking for offspring with the legs and feet to escape predators and chase prey.  In a world of walking and running feet and legs are a key survival asset.

Such sexy feet

By the way guys I'm not posting any pictures of real foot jobs, you'll have to get a girl to see what it looks like.  Instead I'll post pics of girls with nice feet for guys who hadn't thought about feet as erotic.  Not that there are ugly feet, when the little imperfections are smooth out by a second skin of nylon.

Don't be ashamed of your legs in tights

OK,OK,OK guys there no is no need to shout at your screen.  Maybe just maybe I'll post some footjob pictures later in another post, if you post me saying how you enjoy my blog, and how you just bought your girl those cool shoes she wanted.


What do I wear to give a foot job?

• Tights - no need to get a pedicure
• Make sure the tights have a smooth feel and are made with lyrca as well as nylon.  But there is no need for super expensive tights - they'll soon be stained with his semen.
• Reinforced toes are best.  They remind men of old fashioned stockings.  They also focus attention on your toes which will do a lot of the teasing.  If you are a little ashamed of your toes or cannot be arsed to paint them you may also prefer have them hidden.  On the other hand in sheer toes you can tease him with the sight your brightly painted toes.

You could even give a foot job wioth your trousers on

Remember men are visual animals. 

• So have on nothing else but a bra.  You could should your tits, but you want attention on your feet, you don't want him sticking his cock between your boobs.  (That would be jizz on the face time again).
• Use sheer tights if you want to give him teasing glimpses of your lady.  This has more effect if you have shaved her.
• Boxer tops to your tights will get him less excited and reduce the need for shaving.

How do I do it?


Footsie is a good way to start for guys that are new to foot play.  Make a thing of taking off your shoes (and everything else) to build up the tension.  Some guys like the though of spunking on the smelly tights you wore at work all day.  Others will prefer watching you put on a new clean pair straight from the packet.

Let him look and enjoy the sight of youir feet and legs before you start work

Here are a few tips to get you going and him cumming.

• Remember to tease.  Build up the pressure slowly.  You want him to want this again.
• Start by rubbing his balls with your toes
• Work his shaft hard and fast with your soles on get him worked up.  Not too long mind.
• Squeeze his cock head between your nyloned toes.
• Lightly brush the glands on the base of the cock head with your toes
• Work his cock head between your soles and then with the balls of your feet.
• Now work him fast again until he is panting and groaning

Kidnapped?  All for a fj?

• Stop and let him pre over your feet.  You may find this point difficult to judge the first few times.  Better to stop sooner and then do a little tease to get the pre out.  You don't want a full load blown too soon.
• Make sure you collect his spunk on your feet and use it as lubricant in the next round.
• Bring him close to coming again.  He will get to the point quicker each time.  Best not to bring him to the edge too many times, it may take the power out of his final spurt.
• Wank him with your feet until he blows his blow.  Keep on stoking and rubbing until he is soft to get the last his seed to shoot.
• Mop up the semen with your tights feet.  Even in their deflating state men find this a turn on.

You can judge your success by the loudness of his groans and the amount to spunks.  Indeed also by how far his globs of cum shoot.

Some guys will want to be jacked off when they are wearing tights too.  This gives them the extra pleasure of rubbing through two layers of nylon.  It also gives you more teasing opportunities.  Your feet can get inside his tights, rub his dick through them, and peel his tights down with yours toes to set his manhood free.  Your feet also get less gunky if he spunks into his tights.

Win this game and I'll do it with your tights on

Nevertheless I wouldn't recommend foot jobs with him in tights too.  You don't want to make a pantyhose pervert who wants pantyhose more than women.  His little brain will form a Pavlovian association between the pleasure of spunking and his tights not your feet and tights.

Dotty about Tights

Here at "Joy of Tights" I try to bring you the latest leg-wear fashion trends.  Or at least what were the latest trends two years ago.   Well at the recent London fashion week designer Alice Temperley turned out models in cocktail and evening frocks and suits in a chic black, white, and red palette, often finalized with swiss-dot tights.




Are Swiss dots the latest in tights?  What are Swiss dots?  To answer the second question first Swiss dots are, well, relatively large, dots.  No I don't know why larger dots are Swiss.

Well are dots the next big thing? According to Yas, who apparently is a fashionista:

"Fishnets are out!
Seriously!
Don't wear them if you want to take them off in a few minute!
This season Swiss dot tights are hot, I mean hot hot, like; keeping your legs hot "hot", like; look at my legs "hot", like; I am so cute "hot" and like; I am so chic "hot" or hey look, I am wearing Balenciaga "hot"!
It is chic, stylish and at the same time so cute. Hurry up to your nearest store and get one before anybody else does! but be careful, don't go for huge dots, you don't want to look like Alice in Lala land!! " (Do you really need two!?).

So lets look at some dotty tights

Not bad.  Like the look.  But let's have a better peek at those boots:

Quite like the mini biker boot look, even without a heel.  On to a neglected part of the tights, the feet.  (If you are relaxing in your stocking feet you want nice tights feet).

Dotty all the way to her toes that's what I like to see.  And a nice reinforced boxer brief you can flash under your short shorts if you are feeling particularly naughty.

Of course Yas was writing in November 2010 and so it has probably all changed by now.

But why wear patterned tights? According to Mama: "If there is one thing that is oft forgotten when it comes to fashion, it is that fashion is meant to be fun. Thankfully, one of the biggest accessory trends on the circuit right now is lighthearted and totally fun: patterned tights."  And dots and are patterned are-excellence.  Here are some more dotty tights to prove it.

Are they fun?  Well not as much find as being shagged by a well hung guy with a tight arse and cute little white sport socks.  (Ah its been so long since I've had a massive prick in me, the last time he was so big and powerful the condom broke).  But now a girl must get what fun she can.

Not only are dotty tights fun they are also a (relatively) cheap way to jazz (that's jazz not jizz guys what are you like?) up an old outfit.  Now I'm sure some of you pantyhose pervs would like a jizz over a nice girl's Swiss-dots but that's another matter.  For those of my readers who are nice xian girls, the dictionary defines jizz as ".....to ejaculate; to eject semen; To ejaculate on, over, or into; to cover in semen."

And of course all you celebophiles will want to know which celebs are going for the dotty look.  Well in 2009 Diane Kruger started sporting the spotty dotty look:

Now begging Yas' pardon lets hear it for those large dots.  I think they are cool.  Smaller dots may complement and complete an outfit, but the larger dots can make an outfit.  They can get you noticed and in the right way.  Your tights need to always be the accessory they can be the main focus.

I hope you have noticed the older lady in this shot.  As a much older lady myself (sorry guys) I don't want to fill my blog with young women.  So here she is again.

Add I wearing dots?  Only the white dots on my black socks

And finally an image not much related to this post except that the coat is by Alice Temperley

 Love those boots.  Gimme, gimme, gimme.  I'd sell my soul to Satan for those boots.  Too late, already done that, nothing left to trade.


Satanist thought for the day.  Size does matter.  The Devil's got a big cock and only the best of you guys can compete.  (A small penis is Satan's little joke on you. Ha ha ha ha ha!)

Suspender Tights are in

According that bastion of radical fashion news the Daily Mail what the fashion crowd wore at London fashion week included:

"TIGHTS THAT THINK THEY'RE STOCKINGS: So many young stylists were in this new fad. These are tights, which means they stay up and are comfy, but printed to appear as though they are stockings, by Henry Holland for Pretty Polly."

We are pleased to see that the superiority of tights in terms of sheer comfort and staying (up) power is acknowledged.  So lets have a look at some of the super fashionable tights.

Here we have the classic suspender tights.  IMHO they don't actually look much like stockings with suspenders but they are trying.  Good for your rock chick look.  If you want a look close up here you go:

Now a little variant is a suspender strap "made of hearts".  This is even less stocking like, but gives a nice school girl look that even goes with a little floral number

The next stage is to drop the black:

These are pretty funky but, especially with those boots, don't really look like stockings and suspenders.  Now for another close up look:

Nice - oh love those sweet little hearts - but stockings and suspenders it ain't.  Suspender tights just don't have the sex appeal of real stockings and suspenders, ask any guy to oggle the pic below:

Now what is it that makes classic stockings so sexy?  Again in my (ever so humble) opinion its the sheer black and the way it highlights the leg.  Even the reinforced toe suggests a sexy naughtiness.  As if those nylon toes might start by stroking the sole of the foot and then work their way up a guy's leg.  Just a little tease.  Just a little temptation to get him ready. If you want this sexy look without the hassle of stockings or the blood circulation stopping grip of holdups, good old sheer black tights with reinforced toe will do the job:

Now isn't that sexy.  This guy thinks so:

Now just a few odds and ends before I stop blogging and finish my cappuccino.  Yes you can get the expensive designer tights pretending to be stockings look without spending the money by putting a pair of hold ups (or even socks) over your tights.  (Actually these are the real thing but you get the idea)

Now some of the guys readings this blog will think none of these are real suspender tights.  Suspender tights have well, holes.  You want what we might call crotchless pantyhose (get ready for some real naughtiness with the image below):

No, sorry I just couldn't be that naughty.  This is a family blog.  (OK a family where dad has a tights fetish and so mum's always in tights, stocking feet are the rule indoors, and son is on the way to being a full pantyhose pervert jacking off to his sister in tan tights and shorts).

But back to the tights.  Why and why bother with crotchless tights?  Expensive.  As much trouble to put on as stockings.  If he needs access while you are in tights cut a hole in your Tesco 15dens.  Better still make him rip a hole with his teeth - growl!

Satanist thought for the day: You can take a girl out of the church, but only Satan himself can take the church out of the girl.

Shit my coffee's cold.

Black is back?

Could black be the new ... well black?

For me black's never been out

Lauren Kelly thinks so.   Or at least in the case of pantyhose (sheer tights).   Could it be that opaques are too dark and too childlike?  Although of course the world of tights does not divide neatly into opaque tights and pantyhose.  When do semi-opaques stop being "childlike"?  Ah the fuzzy logic of tights.

Opaques on the way out?

Ms Kelly says  "there's no denying a pair of legs looks better in hose, especially black hose."  I couldn't agree more.   She cites Melanie Griffith (sans sneakers) in Working Girl, The Graduate's Mrs. Robinson (but I thought they were stockings) and Mad Men's Joan Holloway in evidence.  And all this in spite of the drawbacks of sheer tights. "They snag, they itch, they're tight and your lady doesn't get much room to breath."  Although at joy of tights we think that good quality modern tights (with lycra to stop the sag) can overcome these problems if you buy them in the right size.  A cotton gusset can help with breathing problems and going commando might help your lady feel a little less smoothered.

The younger generation gets black to black.  They love it

Even those strange creatures fashion designers have been getting in on the act:

"Designers showing at New York Fashion Week have the same idea. Douglas Hannant incorporated the look into his glamorous,  Roaring '20s-inspired runway show, as did Theyskens' Theory, pairing sheer black hose with shorts, a look I could definitely get into this Spring.

Different colour hose with shorts, which will be in this year?

(Guys  new to the world of tights might like to study the difference between sheer (sandal) and reinforced toes in the above photo.  Buy her sheer toes to go with her sandals.  Reinforced toe are good for everyday and for work.)

Ms Kelly thinks chiffons, florals and chambray would look great with a pair of hose.

This kind of floral?  Probably not

 Thanks be to Satan.  Of course in some parts of the world they have never forgotten the joy of tights (pantyhose) as these pics from Romania illustrate.

A happy man that his girl has chosen tights

And sandals too!

Black or nude?

Pantyhose Pervert Alert

Girls this is what a pantyhose pervert looks like

A 43-year-old Pennsylvania man was apparently making calls across the U.S., trying to get women involved in sexually explicit conversations about pantyhose.  Alan Swartz, 43 turned himself in on Tuesday.

Swartz, it is claimed, had been calling all over the United States for the past five years. Swartz placed random calls almost daily, sometimes exceeding four hundred (400) calls per day.  Police said they first became aware of the calls in October 2010 when local businesses reported them. Employees at the businesses said a man was calling multiple times, trying to talk about pantyhose.

Now I'm sure all you pantyhose pervs out there are saying "What an awful man".  But admit it - you'd like to talk to woman about pantyhose all day.  You are already glued to your computer searching for the latest leg covered in black nylon, or a cute pair of feet in tan tights.  You probably make women uncomfortable as you keep looking at their pantyhosed legs.  And if they are not wearing shoes you it won't be discrete looks, your eyes will be out on stalks!  I bet more than woman has called you a perv as you looked longingly at her stocking feet. And when you get home, you will be slipping under the duvet and beating your meat until you blow that slimy load - thinking of how you wish it were spurting onto the stocking feet of some poor young girl at work.

In the next life you will be reborn as a slug, only to be squashed under a high heeled sandal.  Or maybe Satan will stick red hot pokers up your arse in hell.

I know I shouldn't encourage you, but its too much fun:

 

OK one more

Now off you go to bed to play with your cock.  Just remember:

• No calls to strange ladies about pantyhose

• No looking at girls stocking feet.  (Just a very discrete peep if you must).

• No talking to girls in the street about the denier of their tights

• No rubbing yourself in public just because a girl with tan tights and open sandals has gone by.

Bad boy! No looking as she changes her shoes

Tights on Tele

As Nicky no mates I've be reduced to watching old episopes of Channel 4's "Come Dine With Me".  And I've come across an interesting case of black nylon pulling power for all you fetishists out there.  Ex-model Sonia is making a play for hunky PE teacher Scott and nylons are all part of her strategy
.
Here we can see Sonia at work already showing her nyloned knees:

 

Sonia obviously finds her own nylons senuous because she is stroking them.  Or perhaps that's just to draw Scott's attension.

On the bed in those killer heels with a cheeky flash of nylon toe.

 

And Scott is reaching for the leg

Looks like he's stroking (Sonia's leg that is).  I'm sure he was stroking something else and groaning with pleasure and anticipation later that night.

 A little close up on the action

Going into the bathroom for

A little - knee to nyloned knee - steamy conversation.  What did you expect?  That she was going to take his trousers down suck his cock off and drink his cum?  This is a family show.  Although the food wasn't very good at this dinner party so perhaps Sonia would have preferred Scott's seed.

As we can see Scott was enjoying Sonia's leg again later under the table

Now we come to Sonia saucie (get it) secret - that she was wearing

 Stockings

The naughty minx.  She had earlier told the viewers that she was wearing no knickers.  So if there had been no cameras I bet Scott would have unzipped that dress and shagged her in the bathroom in just her hold ups, bra and shoes.  Then she would have gotten her shoes and bra off before he shagged her in bed in nothing but her nylons.  I don't think Sonia would have had to wait long between fuckings for Scott to get a stiffy again either.  Must be the thought she is smiling at

On a later episode in the same week Sonia is in nylon again (tights we think this time)  - doubtless to keep the pressure up on Scott.

Showing a nice bit of knee.  Is Scott trying hard to look at Sonia's face (not other places)?

Oh and Sonia just has to stroke those tights.  Is it for Scott's benefit or does she just enjoy the sensual feel of the nylon/lycra mix?  We think its both.

 

Now here is Sonia stroking her tights again.  Talking to the cameria (note pose) so she can't be doing it for Scott.  She must enjoy the feeling.  Unless she is doing it for you dear male viewer.

Did Scott ever get into Sonia's knickers - if she was wearing any - and cause her to moan with pleasure?  We, the viewers, eating our Tesco ready meals while watching others cook, will never know.  But if he did the power of smooth silky black nylon helped entice him there.