"I love the joy of tights" Zooey Deschanel

Well she didn't say that exactly.  What she did say on her Hello Giggles was:

"I am a year round tights girl. I will wear tights even if it’s 100 degrees outside. Tights are my safety blanket. In them, I know that I can do a sweet row of cartwheels anytime, anywhere without anyone catching a glimpse of my knickers."

Well I applaud that.  So I though it might be nice to feature Zooey in tights and some people (in tights of course) who have been inspired by her, and a few people in tights her hers that may (or may not) have been inspired by Zooey.

For those of you who don't know Zooey Claire Deschanel ( born January 17, 1980) is an American actress, musician, and singer-songwriter. In 1999, Ms Deschanel made her film debut in Mumford, followed by her breakout role as young protagonist William Miller's  troubled older sister Anita in Cameron Crowe's 2000 semi-autobiographical film Almost Famous.Ms  Deschanel soon became known  for her deadpan or "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" supporting roles in films such as Elf (2003), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) and Failure to Launch (2006). She then began playing lead roles in films, including Yes Man (2008) and (500) Days of Summer (2009). She will next headline the new Fox series New Girl in fall 2011.

For a few years starting in 2001, she performed in the jazz cabaret act If All the Stars Were Pretty Babies with fellow actress Samantha Shelton.  She plays keyboards, percussion, banjo and ukulele, and has sung in several of her films. Zooey teamed up with M. Ward to release  their debut album Volume One (recorded with M. Ward under the  Indie Folk Band moniker  She & Him) which was released in March 2008. The follow-up album Volume Two  was released in the U.S. in March 2010. She is married to Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard.

All information from wikipedia so it must be true.

But before we get some more pictures we must record Ms Deschanel's gripe about tights - which is why she posted in the first place.

"My biggest complaint with tights is that they do not accommodate skinny-ankled people like myself.  I spoke with Hello Giggles BFF and designer Kate Harmer – a fellow tights lover and skinny ankle-haver – about this recently.  We are tired of being judged for having bunchy tights. We don’t want to be held accountable for our lazy stockings. Wolford (who make my favorite tights), if you’re listening, hear our skinny ankle pleas, and make some tights with a little more snap around our well turned heels, please."

Influenced by  Zooey

When interviewed by FML fashion blog "Thelittleantlers" said that the celebrity that influenced her most fashion wise was Zooey Deschanel.  So lets look at "Thelittleantlers" views on tights (questions from FML) and see some of her outfits influenced (perhaps) by Zooey.

FML: Does the hosiery you wear dictate the clothes,outfit you wear ?

Thelittleantlers: During the colder months I will always wear hosiery with my outfits. Even now in summer I can't help but wear nude sheer tights - I'm not brave enough for properly bare my legs yet!

 

FML: What is in your hosiery drawer or closet ?

Thelittleantlers: I have quite a few nude and black tights that are my go-to hosiery choices and lately I've bought dotted, lace, holdups and a range of colours and textured tights. On my wish list at the moment are knee length socks in light colours :)

FML: How do you choose your hosiery ?

Thelittleantlers: Usually I'll have my outfit planned and decide upon which style of tights would work best for the style.

FML:  Where do you shop for hosiery ?

Thelittleantlers: Most high street shops such as New Look, Accessorize and Primark.

FML: What was the last item of hosiery you brought, how much you spent etc ?

Thelittleantlers: Dotted tights - from Accessorize on sale for just £2.40!

FML: Do you prefer sheer or opaque tights,stockings or holdups,socks or knee highs,sheer toe or reinforced ?

Thelittleantlers: It depends upon the outfit but during the summer months I'd prefer sheer tights and during winter opaque or patterned to brighten up an outfit.

FML: Do you ever wear 10 denier tights or sheer hose if so how long do they last you ?

Thelittleantlers:  Yes, I have done and not usually very long! After a few wears I usually come across a small hole or ladder :(

FML: How does wearing tights make you feel emotionally ? More feminine,better with girly outfits not thought about it ?

Thelittleantlers:  I feel more confident wearing tights even if they are very sheer.

FML: Do you physically like the feel of tights and touch ? Do your legs ache less, prefer than pants ? not thought about it ?

Thelittleantlers:  I hardly ever wear jeans anymore, so I tend to wear tights in most outfits. I like the feel of brand new soft tights.


FML:  When do you wear hosiery,daily-once a week etc ?

Thelittleantlers:  If I'm lazing around the house I probably wont bother unless it's for outfit posts, although whenever I go out I'll wear some form of hosiery.

FML:  What is your hosiery staple ?

Sheer nude tights or dotted black tights!

FML:  What are your style tips for wearing tights ?

Thelittleantlers: 

FML:  If you was told you could never wear tights again, how would you feel ?

Thelittleantlers: Quite uncomfortable as I seem to feel more confident with tights on.

FML: Do you remember the first time you wore tights and the first pair you brought ?

Thelittleantlers: I've always worn tights from when I was a little girl. I remember wearing white, grey and navy tights to infant school or knee length white patterned socks - with one being higher than the other by the end of the day!

FML:  Do you keep a spare pair of tights in your bag ?

Thelittleantlers: I have started to.

FML:  The best and worst things about hosiery, Love-hate ?

Thelittleantlers: I like how they can transform an outfit nicely although I hate when I wear my Doc Martens the tights begin to bobble after a few wears!

FML: Do you recycle your tights ?

 



Thelittleantlers: I think I have sold my tights at bootfairs once or twice in the past, if that counts?!

 A bit like what Zooey Deschanel wears??
OK, this section is really just so I can show a bit more of Zooey and a few other tights pics just to show you how good tights look!
Thin fishnets

You may just be able to make out the thin fishnet design

Less subtle fishnets

Good old opaques

Queen of the opaques

 

 

These girls are enjoying their opaques too, but in a less sophisticated way

Nice blue patterns

Classy like the RHT

Almost as classy

Festival Tights

Going to a festival, why not wear your tights?  Getting there in tights

Being there in tights

• Tights keep your legs clean in the mud.
• Tights protect your legs from those nasty little UV rays when the sun comes out.
• Tights keep you warm when it goes cold.
• Tights make your legs more sexy and help you get that festival shag.

Lets do the time warp back to the 1980s - tan tights are back

We are all in tan tights now

Joy of Tights has for couple of months been pushing the line that nude or light tan tights - tights that match the wearer's skin tone are at last "in" again.

Now this view is being echoed in the quality British daily newspaper The Telegraph.  Here are the facts:

• Peacocks sold 130,000 pairs of tan tights in April and first half of May.
• Marks and Spencer claim that sales of suntan tights were up by 50%, and sales of nude tights up by 85% on the year.
• At the highest end of the market Wolford report sales are up by 30%

A more perfect leg look

So why this rush to tan tights

• Girls don't want to go straight from opaque tights to bare legs
• Tights are easier to put on than fake tan, and they give a bit of welcome body shaping after binging out after over winter.
• The recent weather has been a little cold for the time of year.
• Girls are reluctant to tan, with the risk of skin cancer.  Tan tights provide a safe way to get that, well er, tan look.
• Celebs like Kate Middleton, Pippa Middleton, Beyoncé and Sarah Jessica Parker all spotted wearing tan tights.

Guys we know you like the RHT!

Non-reinforced toe brands are apparently the most popular.  An encouraging sign that girls may be wearing tights with sandals again.  All the same I'd recommend a good reinforced toe for long life - if you are wearing closed toe shoes no one will know, and if you ever run around in your stocking feet (recommended for stress reduction) your tights will last a whole lot longer.  And if you can't face the full on reinforced toe (too 1960s?), then there are semi-reinforced toes which are stronger but not so visible.  And some guys really like reinforced toes - perhaps its the stocking association.

Tan tights in class - she doesn't remember the 1980s or Nora Batty

Read the full story at The Telegraph. (For those who don't know Nora Batty is a 60 something with sagging tights from the British comedy "Last of the Summer Wine".  Rather like salad cream this programme is an acquired taste and unlikely to appeal to viewers outside England.

Tan tights at work

If you were a pair of tights what kind of tights would you be?

Are you black sheer tights?

This is the question that you can be have answered at "What kind of pantyhose are you?"  Weird certainly.  But probably no more so than those new age sessions that ask "If you were water, what kind of water would you be?"  The so-called metaphorical question.  Well actually we are all water anyway - with a few organic impurities - so that question isn't metaphorical anyway.  (Sorry my borderline Aspbergers personality disorder makes me take things literally).

But back to the tights.  Joyoftights tested out this little questionnaire with some sample data vaguely based on what I know (or imagine) about the people who work in my office or live in the same block of flats as me.

Case 1: Kay

Kay is driven, there is a mix of everything in her underwear draw.  Her dream spot New York, USA.  It is her ambition that makes her sexy.  She thinks pumps are the kind of shoes that look most sexy.on a woman.

Kay is sheer PH and here is her personality profile from the site.

"You are a very ambitious person. You want to rise to the top of your field. You are very determined. No obstacle is too big for you to overcome. You are ready to fight for your interests. You are willing to speak out.  You are driven and energetic. You do things your way, and you always get results."

 Not only is Kay a pair of sheer tights, she also wears them.  Usually sheer blacks, but occasionally black opaques.

Sheer black like Kay's

Case 2: Fiona

Fiona is a practical person.  She comfortable undies in her underwear draw.  Paris is her romantic location of choice.  She thinks her enthusiasm makes her sexy and that kitten heels are the most sexy shoes for women.

Fiona is opaque tights, and here is her profile:

"You are a practical person. You don't have any room for fluff in your life.  You are a creative problem solver. You've figured out what works for you, and you just go with that.  You are original and independent without trying to be. You just seem to pick paths that are less traveled.  You are brainy and you love difficult intellectual challenges. You don't have patience for your time being wasted."

Fiona does not often wear tights but when they are they are either opaques or sheer tans (with a reinforced toe because she is a practical girl and wants them to last).

Opaques may be practical but they can be sexy too

Case 3: Nicki

Nicki is whimsical.  Due to a total lack of fashion sense or organisation underwear of every colour can be found, not in her underwear draw, but on the floor of her flat.  Being a bit of a mystic Nicki's ideal destination is Thailand.  A guy once told her that her eyes made her sexy and she believes it. She has a lot of shoes, with corresponding amounts of debt, but her favourites are platform heels that last had an outing to Weatherspoons in Brighton.

Nicki is coloured tights and her profile goes like this:

"You are a colorful and intensely alive person.  You live with boldness and confidence.  You are an object of fascination for many. People find you more interesting than you find them.You are curious about the ideas. You are always expanding your mind in some cool way.You are very verbally adept. You're quite chatty, and people find your stories to be entertaining."

OMG too much!  Nice shorts though

This is of course bollocks and she is really Nicki no mates.  (The kind of girl who sits at home typing blogs no one reads).  She claims that tights are the greatest thing since sliced bread but can often be found wearing white sports socks and trainers.  Occasionally she will be found in 15 denier sheer tans (taller and larger woman size).

Lacy maybe?

Case 4: Tara

Tara is definitely creative teaching art and photography at a local college.  Despite her Northern Irish protestant upbringing her she has lots fancy underwear to please her boyfriend.  Her romantic location is Rio.  If pressed she would say her smile makes her sexy.  Although she only wears then for her boyfriend she thinks high heel boots are the sexiest female footwear.

Tara is lace tights, and her personality is supposed to be like this:

Definitely Lacey

"You are lovable, endearing, and affectionate. You are definitely a romantic. You are a trustworthy and loyal person. You act from the heart, and it shows. You are a truly fun and carefree person. You are the friend everyone invites to the party.You have been known to be a bit of a daredevil. You like to let loose every once and a while."

Actually Tara doesn't wear tights often, but she sometimes goes out showing a lot of leg in opaque coloured or even fishnet tights.

Case 5: Anna

Anna is certainly unique.She used to be an army officer, but now work a drug company rep, using her sheer nyloned legs to entice doctors to buy the latest pills and potions.  Her underwear is sexy stuff that pleases her man. Her dream location is Hawaii, and he has enough dosh to take her there.  I'm a girl and I her confidence makes her sexy - I don't know if the guys agree.  About a year ago she switched from wearing flats to stilettos and clearly thinks these are so sexy.

Anna is fishnet tights, and our electronic personality profile says

"You are amazingly fearless. People admire your courage and determination. You have a bit of an outrageous persona, but you are also a person of substance.You are hard working and on the path to success. You don't give up easily.You are a thrill seeker who wants to do it all! You love to take risks as often as you can."

Well the groans, moans and screams of pure pleasure from upstairs show that Anna is getting plenty of thrills.  She appears to be a recent convert to the joy of tights wearing pale sheer shades regularly with her heels.  And I know that a man who is not her boyfriend buys her sheet stockings!

Finer fishnet

 So why answer our surevy and say what kind of tights you are?

Fashion Crime 2011

And what's that I hear you say?  (Actually I don't, but lets not get over literal about this).  Well actually according to Jezebel, it wearing nude tights.  And the perpetrator is none less than Pippa (nice ass) Middleton.

You might see nothing wrong in wearing nude tights.  In fact neither did a lot of the people who posted on the Jezebel website.

"I LOVE the way my legs look in pantyhose and I feel like tights look too "young and hip" for an office environment/woman my age (30s). I also feel so much less nekkid when I'm wearing hose. Now granted, these particular hose Pippa is wearing are butt-ugly (with the horrid sheen and all) but some nice matte, nude, hose? OMG, my legs have never looked better. No stinky self tanner or skin cancer inducing real tanner needed. Now if only I could find some vintage ones with the seam up the back I'd be in heaven...  "

"Most young women go with tights these days in the cooler months. Of course when I leave NYC and go to my husband's hometown in rural TX the girls are wearing hose in the worst heat of the summer - so I guess it's a bit regional. "

You can't start too young in nude pantyhose or can you?

"I personally think a lot of fashion icons and high fashion looks really really bad. But then it's all down to personal taste. I cannot see what is wrong with wearing tights when you might feel self conscious about displaying your naked legs (uneven skin tone etc). The rules seem so arbitary anyway." 

"I used to see girls in wispy little dresses and strappy high heels sans hose in mid-February on their way to the clubs." 

Club fun in nudes

"I find it really odd that tights (especially thick, dark ones) reign supreme in hipster tweedom, while nylons/pantyhose (even sheer ones) are so despised. It's a rather fine line between the two, isn't it? "

Semi opaque and nude tights

Opaque and possibly nude tights

But what are nude tights.  Tights with a thin enough denier that you can hardly see them.  Nude tights tend not have reinforced toes and should certainly be sheer to the waist.

These are probably too dark a tan colour and have reinforced toes so are not nude pantyhose

These much paler tights are probably nude despite the reinforced toe

Both these girls have nude tights

 Pippa and her sister (the even more famous one), always wear tights...sheer nude or opaque black, they are rarely without them.

So, to sum up nude tights:

• Improve your legs by hiding imperfections.
• Keep you a bit warmer when the sun goes in.
• Make guys look at your legs more - the is she or isn't she wearing hose question.
• Remove the need to get a tan and skin cancer.
• Are more modest and less slutty than bare legs.  But don't hide your legs either
• Have royal approval.

Final thought does Kate wash her own nude tights?

Should you go Gaga about fishnets?

Fishnet snog

A few days ago Lady Gaga was seen going for a Starbucks in stratospheric heels and fishnets. [I prefer Cafe Nero, Costa or even a jar of instant Nescafe myself - but that another story] And that reprobate Rihanna has been seen in fishnets.Tempting young boys to wank off at the sight of her sexy moves.  Or so the national parents association - or some such crap - says. Well they didn't say that exactly.  But I bet young boys are jacking off at the thought of Rhianna in her fishnets (and of their sisters in tan tights and shorts, and of girls at school in black opaques...)  And why shouldn't they?  Guys are hardwired for regular release.  Beat that meat boys.

Hell, I've got to be outrageous to keep my ADULT rating - admit it guys you like a big cock as much as us

Well should you follow their example (Lady Gaga and Rhianna not the young lads - although you can have a quick rub if you want) and wear fishnets?  Or are fishnets slutty rather than sexy?

The case for slutty
1. Sex Workers wear fishnets
2. Fishnets are only for the bedroom so slutty outside it

The case for sexy
1. They show you have confidence and this is always sexy
2. They show not a little flesh
3. They flatter your legs

So sexy even other girls will like them too

Classic fishnets

 4. They are only slutty if ripped

Hooker?

5. They are only slutty if the holes are big

Does a bigger hole make u a slut?

 6. They are only slutty if they are stockings not tights

Fishnet stocking

The verdict
Every girl has an inner slut.  Slutty is sexy.

Be a slut get a shag

Some of you may still be a bit nervous, so here is some advice for you weak soles.  If worried:
1. Don't wear fishnets with a short skirt.  Knee length skirts or even trousers (pants) for you.  With a skirt try boots so the only bit of fishnet visible is your knees.

Safe with boots or skirt too short?

 2. Don't do anything else sexy.  No tight tops to show off your tits, or red lip stick, or backless dresses.

3. Keep the holes small so that from a distance they can be mistaken for ordinary tights.

4. Go for plain black.  Don't try florescent pink and don't wear over sheer tans or black opaques

5. Be a fucking boring cow

NOT a boring fucking cow