The 4Ss of a Happy HoseMass. Or why you should hose up at Christmas

Here are my 4 reasons why you should hose up for Christmas.

The are Suitable
OK this is my weakest "S".  I mean that pantyhose complete any outfit.  And having the complete look can help you to feel confident and so happy in the potentially stressful Christmas period.

Got a LBD.  Sheer black pantyhose complete the look.

Even if you don't have a LBD, black pantyhose will go equally well a dark shirt and top combination

Alternatively perhaps you are baring a lot of flesh up top and so tan tights will make you a little less bare whilst still showing lots of skin tone.

They can look stunning
Pantyhose, and tights in particular come in a range of cool designs.  Put one on and feel good about how good you look and be proud of your individuality.

Shame the woman in her scruffy jeans and socks with your stripey tights

Fishnet - not novel but still stunning

And he likes them too

Starry, starry tights.  Oh little tights of Bethlehem

Showing those starry tights off to your man and his family

Nice stripes

Cool Pantyhose

They are smart
Christmas is a special occasion, however you look at it.  Special occasions should be marked in some way, like by dressing up smartly.

Take as much time decorating yourself as you spent dressing the tree.

If you are a Christian you are celebrating the coming of Christ to save you from your sins.  If Christ was born into a stable and died horribly to save you from your sins, the least you can do is look smart for him in a nice pair of pantyhose.  (Maybe there is an extra "S" in here - pantyhose as sacred).

Singing Christmas songs for the LORD.  The LORD will be pleased that you hosed up for HIM.  Now slip your sandals off because you are on Holy Ground and should be in your stocking feet

On the other hand, if you are a Pagan worshipping Odin (whose festival Christians re-cycled), I'm sure Odin would to pleased to see your legs looking extra sexy.  He is, after all, a God of strong sensual desire.

The Gods will appreciate your sensuous pantyhosed legs as much as your husband

Even if you have no particular beliefs, dressing differently can make the day special, and give you a more marked break from the day to day routine.

A special day, so make a special effort to get dressed up and hosed up

Finally, if other members of your family are making the effort, so should you.  Perhaps your mom is in tan tights, why not follow her lead?  Are brothers in shirt and tie, complement them with pantyhose?  (Oh no, another "S" coming on, solidarity).

Mom and daughter, hosed up together in tan tights

Brother and sister both mark the day

Although some brothers make more of an effort than others

Nice, the whole family hosed up.  (Except dad of course, but he has made a effort with a waist coat)

A word here for mom. You might be frustrated that your daughter hasn't hosed up as she ought and you would like. This is particularly hard for a Christian mom. Your daughter isn't showing the proper respect to the LORD and dressing as a man! (A woman shall not wear man's clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing Deut 22:5). But keep the faith mom, and hose up to show your wayward daughter how it should be done.

 You might even give your daughter a hosed hug to show her the silky softness of pantyhose.

Now it may be that mom herself hasn't hosed up properly

There is no excuse for this

Maternity tights

 But fear not, the LORD has prepared a special place for those women and girls who don't hose up.

Pantyhose are sensuous
A well fitting quality pair of pantyhose are a delight to wear.  A lovely sensuous feeling on the skin.  But why should pantyhose be sooo... sensuous?  Two reasons:

• Pantyhose cover so much of the body.  A half of your surface area is covered with that wonderful clingy material.  From tip of toe to top of waist.  If your tights have a dark enough brief you could even go commando and feel their touch on your most intimate area.
• Pantyhose fit so snugly.  Its like having a second sexy skin. No other clothes are so tight.  (Except hold ups and they go all the way up)

So as its Christmas, here's of a photo demonstration of pantyhose's snug fitting and full leg coverage

All the way up, are there kickers under the thicker nylon?

From toe, but not quite as far as tit

More than a peek of tights top

More subtle tights top

He appreciates their sensuous feel too

Proof that tights go all the way up

But all this talk of sinuous tights may worry readers of a Christian disposition.  Couldn't a girl enjoy her sensuous tights too much?  Could that lead to the sin of masturbation?  One moment you are stroking outside your tights, next you are stroking inside your tights and then inside your tights and inside your kickers.  As the scripture says:

"Eph 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."

"Rev 21:8 (NIV) But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

 Putting these together you know you are going when you start to enjoy wearing tights

Make the most of your tights now.....

because you won't be wearing tights in hell.  (They'll burn off to let the demons torture your intimate area)

 In fact make the most of your dress and pantyhose now because,

Nice dress and hose, she's in the fashion zone,

 not only won't have any nylon second skin, you don't have any first skin either.

but in hell she'll burn down to the bone

This puts the Christian woman in a bit of a bind. 

• Don't wear pantyhose, wear men's clothes,
• Wear pantyhose, feel sensuous and sexy right down to your toes,
• Either way, you'll be in hell to stay.

Left  Tights too sexy,  Right Gender bending

Left or right the result will be the same

Imagine 100s of sparklers setting fire to your tights, your clothes your whole body

 

Why does the LORD do this?

Because he can, because he wants to,

Romans 9:22 "What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction?"

Because he likes hearing you sizzle.

Worship the LORD, and rejoice when he sends you, pantyhose and al,l to the fire

Warning: Post prepared in a brain that processes irony, cynicism, sarcasm, and sick humour.

Any and all of these may be present

Do not read this post if allergic to the above

Whoops too late.