Sabbath Observance

Sisters it is Christian Sabbath, what can we do to desecrate it?  What can we do to say "Hail Satan.  Fuck Christ"?  Here are my suggestions.  They can be done without tights, but by wearing tights you can lead Christian boys who are pervs astray (what I cool thought pious little Bible Believers wanking themselves silly 'cos they have seen a girl in tights), and give Satan the pleasure of your discomfort at having half your body covered in hot itchy nylon.

(1) Wear Tights

I know that this contradicts what I said earlier about not having to wear tights, but any lycra and nylon combination tights will break the rule: "Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Leviticus 19:19.  When the Bible has this sort of thing, it makes you wonder about the rest.

(2) Go to work

Generally I'm not in favour of work.  But if you must work, do so on the Sabbath for it is written:

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days [no it was a few billion years] the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them [I think you will find they evolved on their own], and rested on the seventh day [Good to know God gets knackered too]. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy". (Exodus 20:8-11)

(3) Read

You won't need to read much to find the Bible is wrong:

"Then he made the molten sea; it was round, ten cubits from brim to brim, and five cubits high. A line of thirty cubits would encircle it completely. " (1 Kings 7:23)

A circle with a diameter of 10 units should have a circumference of about 31.4159265358979(…) units (10×pi) and not 30.  Who said God was a mathematician?

Or how about

" Another parable put he [ Jesus ] forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field.  Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof." (Mark 13:31)

There are smaller seeds in existence, like the orchid. And this man was supposed to be God.

(4) Get pissed

"Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:21 

 (5) Get naked
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel" (1 Tim 2:19)

OK she is not technically naked, but a thin second skin of nylon and a few ropes hardly qualifies as respectable apparel

(6) Take your rightful place over men

"I do not permit a woman ..... to exercise authority over a man" (2 Tim 2:11)

(7) Pleasure yourself
and dedicate your pleasure to Satan

Pleasuring yourself does not stop you from pleasuring another

(8) Give a blowjob

Imagine you are sucking Satan's enormous cock.  Imagine choking on gallons of His hot demonic cum.

For that extra touch get your partner into tights too ("and a man must not wear women's clothing." Deut 22:5).

(9) Perform a human sacrifice to Satan

All bound up and ready to be dispatched?

Then mince her up for the pie?  Waste not, want not.  Yum yum she tastes like pork.

(10) Perform random blasphemous acts