Time to get your tights off?

Summer has come early!   And the thermometer is already blowing its load of mercury.   If temperatures top 25C as predicted, it will be the hottest Easter in the UK since records began a century ago.  The ‘barbecue Easter’ follows an extraordinary month of warm, sunny weather in England and Wales which has put this April on course to be the warmest on record.  Yesterday temperatures soared to a scorching 26.5 C  at Heathrow, West London, yesterday – the hottest this year, making it toastier than the Costa Brava.  And the early signs are that the sunshine will continue into next week.

What better way to worship the Sun Goddess than to get your tights off?  Celebs have been doing just that.  Kate Bosworth was showing off her bare pins.  A few days ago Beyoncé debuted her spring self in Paris in short dress and no tights.  OK! reported that Gwyneth Paltrow had ditched the tights and opted for bare legs.  Some celebs were even bare legging it before the real hot weather hit.

Gwyneth always looks good in tights but now she is going without

The Sun Goddess commands you

What if you want to keep wearing your tights in this heat?  Then I'm afraid the Sun Goddess is going to punish you.  Hot and itchy legs may be the least of your worries.  Nylon is not an absorbent material. As a result, perspiration from the your feet will be trapped in your tights, leading to discomfort and really pongy feet.  Pantyhose also trap bacteria and fungi  in your lady area, so the Sun Goddess will punish you for wearing tights when she wants to kiss your bear legs by heating up your bush to make those little buggers multiply and give you thrush.  She is punishing you with an itchy clit, a sore clit, pain pissing, pain when shagging and a thick white cream cheesy discharge.  All because you wouldn't take your tights off for Her.

 Have these Essex girls already been worshiping in the temple of the Sun Goddess?

Mind the Sun Goddess doesn't eat your skin in her temple

Why wear tights in summer?
Why would you want to defy the Sun Goddess and wear tights in the summer?

• You work in an air conditioned office and want to keep warm at work
• You don't trust the British weather not to go cold and piss down on you.
• You are a wimp and hate shaving your legs so wear black opaques to hide the hairs

Boots razor in the bag?  What lies beneath the tights?

• You want to hide those little imperfections in your legs

 

Little imperfection here

• Tights "make" the outfit you want to wear.
• Your legs are pasty white and you want to get a bit more of a tan at home before revealing them in public.
• To protect your legs.  Skin cancer is one of the Sun Goddess' less desirable gifts.  But her nimble ultra violet fingers fingers may reach through the nylon fibers of your tights and tickle your skin cells into reproducing like there is no tomorrow.  (Which there may not be for you). You can get a tan through pantyhose and She may even send you some extra powerful rays because you have kept your tights on.

Tempting the Son Goddess

Hints for wearing tights in summer

• Go for lower denier.  Not opaques
• Avoid black tights as they catch the heat.
• Don't wear with shorts.  Sure shorts and tights are real sexy, but in high summer you just asking for your lady to overheat.

Black opaques and shorts - not good

• Wear sandals to let the air circulate in your tights feet.

Beer can also be cooling if your tights are overheating

• Wear short skirts to maximise air circulation you know where

Shorts or skirt?

•  Wear tights with a cotton gusset
• Don't be afraid to slip your shoes off if your feet are getting too hot

Nice tattoo

• Think about going commando - do you need tights and knickers in the heat?
• Put on a clean pair of tights every day.
• Wear white to keep your general body temperature down by reflecting the sun.  

White good - leggings over tights maybe not so good

•  Try fishnets to circulate the air around your legs.

 And don't forget
When the Sun Goddess has gone in you can still put your tights on to party