Top 10 reasons to wear sandals with tights

So its nearly New Year.  Already the fashionistas are rubbishing wearing tights with your strappy sandals.  Take this little example from azcentral

"If your dress is a little short, wear black opaque tights. There are several nylon styles available, but we recommend pairing a fun cocktail dress with simple black tights. On that note, do not wear open-toe shoes with tights. If you need to wear tights, wear them with a closed-toe pump."

He has no problem with tights and sandals

This is nothing new.  Here is another irrational tirade against tights with strappy (peep toe or other sandals) from Laura Compton in 2003

And what's wrong with my outfit?

"Sightem: Petite woman traversing San Francisco Centre wearing ribbed leggings and thick, nude hose with her white sandals.

Another: Elderly woman in the Mission in a leisure suit, wearing dark hose with her comfortable sandals.

And one more: Mother and daughter at a concert, wearing identical Dr. Scholl's-like slides with hose and short cocktail dresses.

But the thought of all those feet, trapped, chafing and sweating away in non-breathable nylon -- why, for the love of God, why?

The sight of ugly feet splayed in unattractive footwear used to undo me. Gradually, I have come to terms with the whitest-of-the-white-footed men and their Birkenstocks, and I no longer cringe at the terrible toes routinely exposed in Tevas or shoddy flip-flops."

Compare and contrast

What is there to agree with here?  Feet are no more trapped in tights than your tits are in your bra.  You wear a bra to improve the look of your tits and tights to improve the look for your legs.  Tights done chat, as long as they are not too cheap, they give a smooth silky feel and stop your sandals from rubbing.  "Sweating away" maybe in the Golden Gate city but not in chilly Brighton, England.  In any case I have a theory - evidence free it must be admitted - that tights absorb the water and radiate out the heat - don't think about that one too much.  Still a little bit of odor absorbed in your nylons may be quite sexy.  It'll give men a sniff of all those body chemicals their brains use to assess you as mating prospect.

I can't believe that Ms Compton can live with terrible toes or lily white feet, when she can't stand a shapely foot with its toes covered by a layer of nylon opaque enough to show off the toes shape while hiding their detail, or feet covered in tan nylon barely different from sun kissed bare legs or feet covered in black nylon neatly matching the wearer's little black dress.

So here are my top ten reasons for wearing tights with strapy sandals:

Matching

1. Tights improve the look of your feet - they show their shape hiding any blemishes.  Of course you could have a pedicure every time you where sandals - but who can be arsed to do that?

2. Tights allow you to co-ordinate your legs with the rest of your outfit.  Even if nylon covered feet are tacky it may be worth having your feet in tights to make sure your legs are coordinated.

3. When you wear a skirt tights help your foot and toes match the color of  your legs. This uniformity of look is a key to looking coordinated. This is why toeless hose are c**p.

4. Tights allow you to co-ordinate the colour of your feet with the colour of your sandals.

Katie Holmes

5. Celebs now wear tights with sandals to name just three: Katie Holmes, Clemence Poesy,  and Milla Jovovich.

6. Good tights draw attention to your shoes.  And you want them noticed.

7.  Guys like feet in sandals and tights.  As proof here is a little clip about a guys letter to a Fox News anchor.  At the very least her wearing of pantyhose with her shoes did not stop him becoming obsessed with her feet.

8.  Tights make shoes more comfortable.  You don't want to take off the designer sandals after 5 minutes - you need the time to show them off.

9. The "no tights with open shoes" rule is being broken

10.  Fashion rules are made to be broken.

Are there any rules.  Well fashion pages disagree, and like I say fashion rules are made to be broken.  But for what they are worth, here are some ideas:

To start with Fashion Saved my Life (yes really)

Chunky is good, but not just chunky

"When you wear tights, match. If you pair black fishnets or black printed tights with open-toed heels, make sure you’re wearing black sandals, or at least very dark (purple or gray) sandals. You’re already playing a lot with texture and design, so keep the colors understated...

"Go mini. ......., a pencil skirt, printed tights and open-toed sandals will overwhelm you. Wear super short mini skirts and dresses to show off your legs and make the look seem more streamlined.

"Wear tall, chunky heels. To keep your textured tights under control, you’ll need a stocky, substantial pair of heels. Strappy sandals that are too delicate will just make you look like an old lady. An old bag lady."

I can't disagree with the importance of showing off your legs.  But do strappy sandals make you look like an "old bag lady".  Watch this click, I think you will agree that she isn't an old bag lady. 

eHow does think you can hear tights with strappy sandals, this is their advice:

"Purchase pantyhose that are an exact match for your skin color. The closer they are to your skin tone, the less likely it will be that people will notice them. Make sure that the pantyhose are as sheer as possible.  

"Wear pantyhose that have sheer toes. Do not wear pantyhose with strappy sandals if they have a reinforced, darker toe. It will be obvious that you are wearing pantyhose."

No, no, no!  You may want your tights to match the rest of outfit to get that all important co-ordinated look.  Think carefully about reinforced toes.  But they can work.  If the toe colour matches your shoes they will not stand out and just look like a part of your shoe.  Unless someone studies your feet very carefully.  And if someone looks at them that closely he probably has a thing about reinforced toe tights.  Also sheer toes can go into holes - you don't want your big toe poking out!  As you can see (above) semi reinforced toes are hardly visible

Matching tights and shoes or not?

The Tights Stocking and Hoisery Blog thinks you should only wear tights with peep toes and not with sandals.  Here is their advice

"First of all, if you plan to wear open-toed shoes with opaque tights, make sure that the two colors are complementary. The color of your shoe should not be vastly different from the color of your tights. For example, don't wear pink tights with a black open-toed shoe. Instead, wear black tights with your black open-toed shoes. If you have camel or taupe shoes, wear cream or tan colored tights. The same rule applies for brown, or chocolate brown, as well as any other color of shoe.

"You should also remember that the toe seam on your tights should be hidden if you plan to wear them with open-toed shoes. Many women make the mistake of putting their tights on backward so that the toe seam falls across the top of the toes instead of at the bottom. If the toe seam on your tights is visible when you look down at your feet, you probably have them on backward. Aside from being incorrect, this look is very unflattering in an open-toed shoe. However, you should keep in mind that some hosiery manufacturers design their hosiery with the toe seam across the top of the toe because many women find it more comfortable."

Nice peep toes

And here is About.com:

"For a winning combination, you just need pair what makes you comfortable with a healthy dose of confidence -- and maybe save the hose with reinforced toes for close-toed shoes."

That's it be confidence in tights and sandals and you'll look cool and sexy.

But let's give the last word to a good xian woman.

Wasted in Tights

So you are going out for New Year (or any other Friday / Saturday night) to get slaughtered, sh****d, and to kick the s**t out of any bitch you don't like the look of.   Surely this is no time to be wearing tights?  You need to show you are a hard bitch, out in your skirt, heels and bare legs in the cold.  No, here's why you should wear tights.

Guide to the slaughtered female 1 - look at the eyes

• If you have to take your heels off when you are too pissed to walk in them, tights offer some protection for your feet.  Opaques are better from this point of view, but not as sexy.  Reinforced toes give some toe protection.  Of course tights won't help when you stand on that broken glass, but hey they can mop up your blood.

• Tights keep your legs a bit warmer.  Again opaques are best, but not as sexy.  When you are lying in the gutter too slaughtered to get up and have been kicked by a couple of passing girlies still staggering in their heels, tights won't stop you dying from hypothermia.  But you'll look your best when they photograph you, and you may even get your picture on the papers.  Well maybe not, you will appear some guys face book page who photographed you with his 'phone as you lay dead in the road.  In any case once they get you to the crematorium you'll warm up.

She's asleep, or is it a tactic to get your attention

• Tights protect your legs in a cat fight.  OK only from the first scratch on the legs.  Now I'm on the topic, do you fight in heels or stocking feet?  Heels can do far more damage.  I'd recommend stocking feet.  When the other drunken bitch goes down on her heels you can kick her head in with those stocking feet.  But if you down she'll kill you giving you a kicking in those heels.  Guys like a cat fight almost as much as a girl on girl snog.  So snog her early evening and then scratch her face.

• Now the main reason.  To attract guys.  Sheer black give just the right slutty, up for it look to get a drunken screw.  Have reinforced toes as this will remind them of stockings and hookers

Guide to the hammered female 2: Are her eyes closing?

 Now the downsides of wearing tights:

Take care what you do on a night out

• Your tights will get ripped.  What the hell tights are cheap.  Go for supermarket black with reinforced toe, save your Wolfords for posh parties.

• If you cannot make it to the "ladies" in time after a skin full you will pee your tights.  Well at least the tights will absorb some of your pee, and if you want to be a good citizen you can take them off and mop the rest up off the floor.

• Now the serious problem.  Can you and the drunken stud get the tights off you so he can inside your knickers?  Well if he can't do that, are his sperm worth having?  You could always wear tights and no knickers to give you less you get off.

Guide to the wasted female 3: she doesn't noticing you are a pervert eyeing her legs and feet

Some people will say that I'm encouraging a laddet culture in this blog.  What they don't realise is the "nice" female is a social construction.  You can't fight a million years of evolution.  We evolved to get the male with the best sperm and eliminate any female competition.  Intoxicants have been used to womankind since the dawn of time to help us achieve reproductive success.  We might co-operate with our "sisters" but only to take out other groups of sisters or males with no reproductive potential.

I know that male intelligence is low, so I include a few pics of a wasted girlie to help you identify us when we are ready.

Guide to the intoxicated female 4: Now her kit has come off

This post was borough to you by alcohol aware.  Be aware that alcohol can get you pissed and use it for this perpose.  Drink responsibly, getting wasted is your responsibility.  Help the drinks industry out of recession.

BTW this blog will now go adult - at least while this post is live.

Shoe Facts or I Love my Heels

As a sad cow with no boyfriend and no credit for shopping I've been surfing the net, and found an interesting survey from 2006 about women and heir heels.  OK its from 2006, but I doubt much has changed.  So I thought I'd share the information with you and tell you how I'd have answered the survey.  I know that my male visitors have logged on for the joy of tights and pantyhose, so I'll make sure any pics include tights/pantyhose as well as heels.

Love those peep toes

Want!

Harper's Bizarre interviewed 1000 women and 1000 men (no, no not about the men's heel wearing habits, but how they felt about their partner's heels).

So here are the results and how I would have scored

I am:

• one of the 25% of women who would rather buy shoes than pay their bills.  Yes this explains my credit status.  And why I have to wear tights with my heels (no heating).  But I believe in the Cinderella effect - heels can transform your mood better than any anti-depressant - I know I've been on a few.

• one of the 50% of women who own more than 30 pairs of shoes.

• When I had a partner he was one 39% of men who though the woman in his life had too many pairs of heels.

•  When I had a partner he was one 82% of men who think that stilettos are the sexiest heels.

Run? Can't walk in mine.

• one of the 79% of women of who have had sex wearing only my heels.  Yes it did rip the sheets.  But it was the only way to get Anna's boyfriend into bed.  No am not sorry.  Yes the law of karma is paying me back now.

• one of the 75% of women who own shoes that don't fit properly.

But I am not:

• one of 8% of women who own 100 or more pairs of shoes - but not for the want of trying

•  one of the 10% of women who have spend more that £1000 on shoes in the last 12 months.  Well not when you adjust for inflation from 2006.

• one of the 55% of women who had a partner carry her when her shoes hurt too much.  Look I go out with b****** and have to carry my own shoes and walk in my stocking feet.  Another reason of wearing tights with heels

Will he ask her to bed in those? (Nice print)

•  the partner of one the 46% men who asked their partner to wear heels in bed.  He wasn't my partner, and I knew he had a heels fetish so I offered.  But it was the heels that took control and turned me into a slutty sex kitten.

 The survey also showed that 80% of women had considered plastic surgery to improve their feet.  No!  I might consider death under anaesthetic to get bigger tits, but, girls you'll find that if a guy likes feet, he likes all sorts of feet, and if he doesn't like feet its not worth the money anyway.  I always find that a nice pair of  tights improves the appearance of the foot in any case.  Those long or stubby toes just won't be so prominent under the nylon.

I'll be your sex slave if you buy me these platforms

Sandie Shaw: stocking foot pop princess

1960s Eurovision winner (with "Puppet in a String"), one time waitress and convert to Buddhism, Sandie Shaw, has been in the news again.  Sandie has been on BBC radio and several newspaper articles have appeared.

Sandie was famous for singing in her bare feet, but as the picture (right) shows, at least some of time she was in her stocking feet.   This being the 1960s these were American tan tights, 100% nylon (no lovely Lycra for smooth fit and silky feel), and I think a hint of a reinforced toe.

Sandie was a "naughty girl" - with Douglas Murdoch a TV exec - being cited in his divorce case.  The judge (sexist, patriarchal, male git) found she was the key reason for the breakdown of the Murdochs’ marriage described her as "a spoilt child who would do anything to gain her own ends".  Mr Judge sir, don't you think that Douglas Murdoch as the older and more powerful partner might have had more responsibility? 

Anyway if Sandie used her long legs in tan tights to capture him from his wife - good for her.  We need share the fit guys around.  Veronica Sands had her time with Douglas and now it was Sandie's turn.  We all want the sperm from successful, sexy guys to make our babies (and they make lots so why not spread in around?), but none of us want sperm from the losers we might be saddled with when monogamy rules.

What we need now is a "stocking foot pop princess" for the 2010s to encourage more of us to have fun in tights.

Tights in the sales

Good buys - anytime

We don't go to the sales to buy tights, we go to buy important things like shoes, and more shoes.  But in case you come across some tights in the sales here are some tips.

1.  Buy everyday tights you know you will wear.  Sheer tan tights are always good to give that bare leg look or to wear under jeans.  Sheer blacks can add a bit of sex appeal for the office or a night out.  And 60 denier black opaques are a must for the cold weather.  Especially with the upcoming VAT hike it is worth stocking up on tights.

Don't forget the tan tights

2. Buy those classic brand tights like Wolford that you couldn't normally afford.  Such tights are classic for a reason, but "classic" is only worth the extra expense when its been reduced at sale time.  Studies should that expensive goodies make us happier (even when the product is no better - if Boots own 10 denier tan were packaged as Wolfords you would still get more pleasure because you paid ££££s for them).  So buying your Wolfords in the sale means you are happy (expensive tights) but not broke.

3. Don't assume that since you have been lured into the store by the bargains in the window, tights or anything else in the store is a bargain.  Psychologically those headline savings from the window bias your view of all other reductions.

See your doctor?

4. After you have searched for and found those leopard print peep toes for £10, you'll be on an adrenaline high, don't let this rush of feeling good cause you to buy tights or other accessories you don't need.

5.Don't take any notice of "reduced from".  The tights may have been reduced from £15, but they still have a swirly pattern that makes you nauseous or are so ultra-shiny tan that they will make your legs look as if they are wrapped in sausage skins.  Perhaps they are so reduced because they are so not in fashion.

6. Don't be forced into buying by "last day of sale" or "must end soon" signs.  They play on the fact that you think you'll feel bad if you come back and the "bargain" tights are gone. If don't really want the tights now, you don't really want them.  If they are gone later in the day, good old cognitive dissonance reduction will kick it and you will find you never wanted them

7. You are up at 4am to queue for whose killer heels, then  miss them because some bitch kicks her way to them first, leave the store immediately.  Otherwise you will buy "reduced" black and white stripey tights just to make your trip "worthwhile".

Too shiny?

8. Learn from the past.  If last year buying tights in the sales resulted in size XX tan tights that are so big you can pull them up over your tits, or red lacy tights that make your legs look as if they have a horrible disease, then perhaps buying tights in the sale isn't something you do well.  Note this argument doesn't apply to shoes, which will tell you when you must buy them.

Xmas visiting....

When visiting this xtmas / New Year time don't forget to take your shoes off when:

• for increased comfort
• to help the informal party atmosphere
• to protect your hosts carpets

 

Tights should be worn when visiting:

• For warmth
• To improve the appearance of your outfit
• To give your legs that smooth shapely look whilst hiding any imperfections
• To drive any tights fetish perverts to distraction.

And while you are there have one - drink that is not tights perv - (preferably 6) for me!

Cool pattern!

Happy Christmas

Well I'm happy that someone is enjoying themselves in their tights at Christmas.  I'm off to see my one big happy family.  I'll probably freeze death in snow drift.  They'll find me lifeless with my trusty Boots 60 denier tights solid with frost.  Well at least I'll warm up when in the crematorium, just before I crumble to dust.

Unless I can get my trusty note book out and do a quick post over Christmas, I afraid this could be the last post until Wednesday.  Of course if I'm frozen to 10 below, and incinerated at 800 above this will be the last post forever.  If I sit posting under the tree this is what might happen:

Mother: What are you doing?

Me: Blogging

Mother: Wogging dear?  Isn't that racist?

Me: No blogging.  Since I'm a sad cow and no body talks to me in real life and writing about tights on the Internet.

Mother: You do seem to be wearing tights more often now dear.

Me: That's because I went out with that nylon fetish pervert.

Mother: He seemed like such a nice boy - pity he had to go and live with his boyfriend.  Do you like the tights we bought for Christmas?

Me: Oh those I just love very shiny tan.  Makes my fat legs look like fat sausages.

Then I start thinking about death again and my legs spitting and dripping like sausages in the cremation oven, and have to take another few fluoxetine

So to avoid this happy scenario I may not be able to blog for a while.  Not that anyone views this blog.  If you do, you can always watch the repeats -  it is Christmas after all.

But what all you happy tights perverts signed in for was to see girls in tights, not hear my existential angst.  So here is that cheery cow again.  (I'm sure they are making her do that).

And here is a young lady who appears to have got a pair of heels for Christmas.  As much as I like heels I'm sure she'd have preferred an iPhone.

Tune back after the Turkey for more on my love-hate relationship with tights (or not).  (I wonder how long after my demise Google will delete this blog?)

Ten Reasons for Wearing Tights

Funky colour, but what are you doing to the carpet?

 1. Tights come in funky colours.  And in serious colours when you need that professional look at work.

 2. Tights come in funky patterns.  That will get you noticed by friends and colleagues.

Love the hearts

3.Tights are warm.  Go bare legged and you could shiver, but tan tights can give than nude legs appearance and keep you warm.  Leggings go so far, but don't cover the feet.  And do you want to wear socks which spoil the line of your legs.  Stocking give some warmth, but leave you exposed "up there",

4. Many men find tights sexy.  Like stockings they have a sheer and sexy appearance, but they keep that sheer and sexy appearance all the way up.  With clothing more can be less.  But making access more difficult tights can be a real tease.  And of course there are the tights fetishists, who you can wrap round your little finger - with a pair of tights.

Are they or aren't they?

5. Tights cover up your white legs.  Yes you can get a tan on the beach or in the studio, but do you want cancer eating your skin?  "Instant tan" in a can is supposed to be safe, but so you want to rub chemicals into your legs?  Anyway can you get them even?

6.  Tights cover up the little imperfections on our legs.  Especially as we get older, our legs retain a sexy shape, but just have a few veins visible, some dimples and spots, and maybe even a little cellulite.  Tights can cover a magnitude of such sins.  And its not just the legs.  How many of us have perfect feet?  How many is can afford or have time for a pedicure.  Tights with sandals can make your feet look as smooth ans sexy as your legs.

Short shorts

7. Tights let you wear shorter shorts and shorter skirts.  Wearing a shirt skirt without tights, can give the guys more of a look than we'd like.  Tights can hide just enough, and tease them.  And a flash of the darker nylon of boxer briefs of your tights under shorts is a cheeky way of showing just a little of your underwear as overwear.

8. Tights are a cheap way to change an old outfit.  In these recession hit times they provide a cheap way to change or update a look.

Purple today, black tomorrow, then tan.  Change the bf too!

9.  Tights prevent your shoes from rubbing.  OK, I don't buy shoes because they are comfortable.  But because I like them, because they are better than sex (with some people at least), because they shout at me and I have to buy however much I owe those nice credit cards.  But tights can help me show off my shoes for longer by providing a little more comfort.  The latest fashion is for socks (socks!) with heels.  Only the very glamorous can get away with this look.  The rest of us look like something out of an early edition of Corrie.

Tights stop those cute sandals from rubbing

10. The people I hate, hate tights.  The fashion journalists who want to tell us what to wear.  The feminists who want to deny us the power of your sexuality and the eco-freaks who think my tights are a threat to the environment.

So girls, lets hope Santa puts tights in our stocking tonight Ho Ho Ho.  Or if Santa is a hunky guy with a neat arse, lets hope he puts something into our tights.

Guys - how to buy tights for yourselves.

Guys do you have a hankering for sheer pantyhose on your legs? Of course this is nothing to be ashamed of  . This is the age of metro-sexuals and mantyhose.    You might have the kinky habit of wearing your tights without pants and leaving them with a nasty stains.  (What about nylon burns?  I won't go there).  But as far as I'm concerned as a social libertarian people should be able to do anything legal, (and I would like to see a lot more legalised), to simulate the pleasure centres of their brains to produce that lovely dopamine.

Unfortunately beneath the politically correct exterior of Europe, (and perhaps because of it), beats a fascist heart.  Some might see you as a pervert and want shot in your tights and recycled for fertiliser.   If you don't believe me study the story of Ruby Thomas.  So here's my guide to buying tights with the minimum of embarrassment and violence.

1.  Go to the store early - fewer people will see you.

2. Be sure you know the product you want - quick in and out.  (Do reconnaissance the day before).

3. Better to choose an older lady at the checkout.  However sexy the 16 year old looks in her tan tights or black opaques. They may guess who you are buying for, particularly if you can't do the next stage well and most guys can't.  The older ladies may not discuss it.  The young girls will regard you as a perv and giggle about you at their break. They will event tell their boyfriends that they served this pervert.  (Don't be caught looking at their nylon toes after that or you'll have the c**p beaten out of you).

4. Above all look confident when you go to the checkout.  Make small talk, behave just like you are buying a tube of toothpaste.

5. When the assistant says "Are you having fun with these..."  Don't say they are for my partner.  [(a) They aren't (b) You don't have one].  Try "not really I prefer black fishnet" or some such response.

6. Next time try a different branch.  It reduces the chances of you being identified as "that bloke who buys women's tights"

7.  Christmas is a good time to buy - they could be presents.  Everyone is too stressed to worry.  So you only have one tights shopping day left.

Of course you could buy mantyhose online, but you know that the pleasure is they are women's tights.

Royal Tights

Nice to see that princesses Beatrice and Eugenie were setting us all an example.  Despite the cold they were showing their pantyhosed legs.  22-year-old Beatrice wore a black tulip skirt and matching coat and black opaque tights.  Eugenie wore a black embroidered cape, the briefest of skirts,  knee-high boots, and semi-opaque tights.

It's enough to turn a hard nosed republican anarchist like me, into a hard nosed republican anarchist.  I might look forward to sending the Windsors to pick potatoes in Norfolk, but am pleased to see that they will be dressed for the amusement of their guards and that they will have to pick potatoes fast to keep their legs warm.

Take your shoes off to dance

Its that time of the year again for office, xmas and New Year's Parties.  Well here's another little tights trivia decision, do you kick off your shoes and dance in your stocking (tights) feet?

For me the answer would always be yes.  Dancing in stocking feet is so much more comfortable. I buy my heels to look good, not be comfortable OK?  And lets face it, it's easier - at least if you are me.  At the best of times I do the spastic chicken dance - sorry that's un PC - some of my best friends are chickens.  (Chicken Pie, Chicken Curry, Roast Chicken).  Now I've upset veggies too.  (I wonder what a veggie tastes like?).  Anyway like I was saying there is no way I can dance in heels when pissed.

I can hear the new puritans saying well "don't get drunk then" and "wear flats".  Well I'm sorry but as Nietzsche said "God is dead",and as others have said life is meaningless and we are all going up the crematorium chimney in a puff of gas.  So what what is left in life except getting pissed, stoned and buying shoes?

Enough philosophy already.  Back to the tights trivia.

OMG she's dancing with the undertaker

My other reason for dancing in my stocking feet is guys find it more sexy.  Of course there are those - more than you think - who have a nylon foot fetish and will go home and use a box of Kleenex after seeing some nice "pantyhosed" feet on the dance floor.  But I think most guys probably find stocking feet sexy.  After all, they reason, "she's got her shoes off" , so "only the tights and knickers to go".  Maybe they are right.

Of course there are down sides on boogieing in your stocking feet.  Stepping in spilt crisps, nuts and drink.  Having your feet stabbed by the bitch who kept her heels on.

Giving her feet a rest

I don't recommend keeping your shoes off all the time.  Some girls arrive and its straight off with their heels.  What's the point - you need to show them off for the first half of the evening.  I only slip out of me heels when I'm getting well lubricated and the dance floor is starting to fill up.

Can you dance in tights feet at any occasion?  At weddings its compulsory.  Not that I believe in weddings but its a chance to get rat arsed and maybe laid.  Home parties its fine - they may even expect it to protect the carpet (!)  At office parties its acceptable - since you are among friends and colleagues.  No, I'm lying.  I'm among the cows that hate me and I hate them.  But if they don't like it, they need to talk to my stocking feet, 'cos my face ain't listening.  Clubbing you need to play it by ear.  Sometimes its cool, sometimes too crowded. 

Get 'em off (the shoes alright)

OK, if you think you might be slipping your shoes off when you hit the dance floor, what kind of tights should you wear?  Well not too sheer - at least 15 denier - or they won't survive.  Reinforced toes are best.  Nothing looks more tacky than strutting your stuff with your toes poking through your tights.  Although if you are wearing tights with sandals you might consider sheer or sandal toe to make your shoes look better.  You can get away with reinforced toe pantyhose with peep-toe shoes.  Oh best and all the usual stuff: match your tights with your outfit, make sure your hose are lighter than your shoes etc etc.

Well my lunch break is over so back to the office.  But I'll be back soon with more tights trivia and more anger.

Did those feet attract the boys?

Help my man has a tights fetish

First, this is not uncommon, at least judging by the amount of pantyhose fetish stuff on the web.  (And by personal experience). This is excellently satirized by Penelope's Pantyhose on You Tube.

 "There's something a bit weird with this guy"

Second if you really hate wearing tights, dump him now.  He'll only get frustrated and run off with some young thing in tan tights and short shorts - or more unlikely retreat into a world of pantyhose porn.  But if you don't mind or even enjoy wearing tights here are some do's and don'ts to exploit his fetish to your advantage

1. Do wear tights regularly.

Can't take his eyes off.. your toes?

2. Do slob around in your stocking (or is that tights) feet.  Many men who like tights have a bit of a foot fetish and he'll love gazing on your toes (weird but true).

It was worth risking the fashion police

3. Do wear tights even with high heeled strappy sandals.  I know this is against much fashion "advice", but he'll be so pleased you are out in tights and sandals that he may not even look at other women (well not much).

4. Do use the power of nylon to access his credit card.  Of course he will keep you supplied with tights and buy those designer editions that you wouldn't spend your money on.  But, more importantly you can get him to buy shoes.  Tell him you need the right pair to show off your tights, strappy sandals and peep toe designs will be easy, but boots and courts should also be possible.  Then there are the shorts and skirts you need to show off your legs.

He bought be all these shoes so I could show off my tights

5. Do use tights to get him in the mood when you are.  Sometimes a bit of nylon footsie will do it, other times walking about in just your tights is required.

And now the don'ts

1.Don't wear tights all the time.  Three or four days a week will do.  Better to tease and leave him wanting more.  Tights 24/7 is not healthy for the body or the relationship

2. Don't be predictable about when you wear tights, keep him guessing.

3. Don't have sex in tights.  Use them to excite him by all means but you don't want to have to depend on tights.  And if he can only stay excited when you are in tights - run.

4. Don't let him take pictures of you in just your tights and undies or just your tights.  These will find there way onto a pantyhose porn site when you dump him.

5. Don't buy him tights.  He has to be into you not just the tights.

And remember the line "You love my tights more than me" is always useful even if not true.